Tuesday, August 10, 2010

When do my thighs stop touching?

Growing up I was always heavy. Until very recently I was overweight. And I spent more time then I would like to admit wondering what it felt like to be skinny. I would look at my skinny friends and wonder what it was like to never feel fat like I felt, to never feel too full, to never feel like my clothes were tight. As I started to loose weight I really looked forward to the day where I would jump out of bed feeling skinny, thin and fit, not to mention healthy -every-single-day. I couldn't wait for the day when my thigh's didn't touch when I ran. I imagined how much better and happier life would be once I fit into a certain size, and life just became better.

Then I lost all the weight, I'm now a size 4, a size 4! and most days I still feel just as fat as I did as a size 14. My thighs still touch enough that I can feel it. Some days my clothes are loose, some days they fit, and some days they are really tight. Sometimes I can eat a giant bowl of watermelon with Brad, and then my belly feels so full when I look down it looks like I have a giant beer gut.

So now I wonder - I've changed my body, I've lost the weight - but now how do I change my mindset? How do I make my head realize that everyone feels fat? How do I make my head realize that this feeling isn't going to go away if I am a size 2 or a size 0, and at those sizes I am still going to have days where I feel fat?

So this is my new plan of action - to keep up with the eating healthy, exercising, and staying active - but to work on the emotional aspect of it - so I can start to enjoy all of my hard work.

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