Change is Inevitable

Over the past 3 years I have pretty much changed everything in my life. I have a new attitude, a new body, new priorities, I live in a new city, I have a new car - everything that is, but my job. Through everything I have gone thru my one constant was my job, in fact, I've worked at BT for 12 years. Not in the same position, but for the same company, and in the same areas. Monday that changed.

I was called into the office Monday by my manager, who lied to me, and told me there was a meeting to discuss an escalation that had come up and he needed me there to help him present everything we were doing to fix the issue to the customer. I figured it out pretty quick when I entered the conference room and he was the only one there, with a folder with my name on it, and he couldn't look me in the eye. It seemed his new UK based boss had decided that the team should be centered in the UK and he was cutting costs by cutting the US team in half. So half of us were loosing our jobs. After 12 years I was being let go.

To my own surprise, I took it hard. I did not cry when diagnosed with cancer. And to my credit I didn't cry in front of my boss, but I did once I got to my car. I felt, and still feel like a failure. I'm trying to see this as a new opportunity, as a new start. And I realized today that this will officially change everything in my life over the past 3 years - a complete life overhaul.

So with a heavy but hopeful heart, I am off to look for another job. Wish me luck!

The 10 things I love about summer

In my job I work with very few people that live local to me. Today for example, I spoke to a guy in Poland, two in London, one in Atlanta, one in Minnesota, as well as a good friend in California. And I realized, that I take the east coast season's for granted. It's hard to believe that we are almost to the end of August, and summer is nearly over! So with a renewed energy to stop taking it all for granted, I give you my Top 10 things I love about summer.

10. Lightning bugs (as kids we used to catch them in mason jars!)
9. Slurpee's or snow cones on a hot day (orange is my favorite)
8. Thunderstorms - with lots of lightning! (Thanks for the reminder Martin!) :0)
7. Fresh picked corn on the cob
6. Fireworks (OK so technically there are fireworks in the winter, but I think more in summer)
5. Home grown tomato's
4. Lazy afternoons spent sitting by the pool (or in the pool)
3. Peaches (sliced in half, pit removed, juices running down your arm)
2. Outdoor concerts
1. Watermelon!

It'll be gone before you know it, it will be dark at 5pm, and cold. I hope to spend these last few weeks enjoying what I have been taking for granted. :0) Happy Summer!

A few months ago at a family reunion an uncle of Brad's said to me "Jenny you're a country girl! How can you live where you live and like it?" and at the time I had no answer, except that I do love it, more then I ever would have imagined. I simply love where I live now, I love living in the city. I feel more at home here then anywhere else I have lived.

Over the past two months I would think about it now and then, and wonder why I felt so at home in the city when I never lived in the city. This morning I went for a run, and I finally made the connection. Grandma Moors!

My Grandma Moors lived inside the city of Philadelphia her entire life. She loved that city with a passion. As a young woman she would walk to mass each morning, then take the subway to her job downtown. She went to the theater, she went to the shows, she went dancing. She walked everywhere. Later, when she married and raised her three children she lived in the city and taught them everything she loved about it.

My grandfather died when I was in middle school, and every summer after he died until I went to college my cousin Bart and I would go stay with her for the whole summer. Those summers were some of the best times of my childhood. She took me to every single museum in Philly. We went to see the Philly's play baseball, we went to Wannamakers to hear the organ play at noon. We went on hikes through Fairmount Park and the zoo. But more then that, I walked with her in the mornings to mass. I walked with her to the grocery store. We picked berries in the park and she taught me how to make jam. We made Bart (who is very tall) pick apples off the trees and she taught me how to make apple sauce. We walked to the library and checked out books. And when it was too hot to walk anywhere she taught me how to crochet and sew. She was always up for an adventure.

The parallels to those summers and my life now are remarkable. I love walking everywhere, I love going to the library again, I love going to the theater and concerts. I am visiting all of my local historical sites. I am doing all of the walking tours in my hood. I am finally home.

So yes I did technically live in the country for most of my life. But my summers were spent in one of America's greatest cities. With one of the greatest role models of my life, my grandma.

Me and Bart downtown Philly....(above)

Grandma, Heidi, and I outside of the Liberty Bell (below)

When do my thighs stop touching?

Growing up I was always heavy. Until very recently I was overweight. And I spent more time then I would like to admit wondering what it felt like to be skinny. I would look at my skinny friends and wonder what it was like to never feel fat like I felt, to never feel too full, to never feel like my clothes were tight. As I started to loose weight I really looked forward to the day where I would jump out of bed feeling skinny, thin and fit, not to mention healthy -every-single-day. I couldn't wait for the day when my thigh's didn't touch when I ran. I imagined how much better and happier life would be once I fit into a certain size, and life just became better.

Then I lost all the weight, I'm now a size 4, a size 4! and most days I still feel just as fat as I did as a size 14. My thighs still touch enough that I can feel it. Some days my clothes are loose, some days they fit, and some days they are really tight. Sometimes I can eat a giant bowl of watermelon with Brad, and then my belly feels so full when I look down it looks like I have a giant beer gut.

So now I wonder - I've changed my body, I've lost the weight - but now how do I change my mindset? How do I make my head realize that everyone feels fat? How do I make my head realize that this feeling isn't going to go away if I am a size 2 or a size 0, and at those sizes I am still going to have days where I feel fat?

So this is my new plan of action - to keep up with the eating healthy, exercising, and staying active - but to work on the emotional aspect of it - so I can start to enjoy all of my hard work.

I'm sorry you feel this way....

One of the hardest things for me to deal with after loosing all of my weight, and starting to live more healthy - are my families. :0) Both my family and my husbands family give me a hard time about the changes to my diet.

On my side I get a lot of "One day is not going to hurt you" and "I made this diet pie, as well as these cookies for you" LOL. I know they mean well and I do try and keep extra points for the days that I am visiting them.

My husband's family just makes fun of me. They call me a vegetarian, and ask if I would go out to eat if we went to a vegetarian restaurant. When I ask if we can get together and have it not center around food I was actually told "eating out is my hobby, it's what I do". LOL. OK so then that's a no I guess? They laugh at me eating oatmeal, and comment on how much cinnamon I put in it.

So, after the doctor last week I have now the confidence to hold my ground. My healthy eating, and the changes I have made to my diet have greatly influenced my health. Check this out:

Before:




Weight: 182 pounds
HGB A1c: 10.4
Glucose: 329
Total cholesterol: 220
hdl: 40
tri: 50
ldl: 130




After:







Weight: 134 pounds
HGB A1c: 6.7
Glucose: 88
Total cholesterol: 183
hdl: 87
tri: 43
ldl: 87

An HDL of 60 mg/dL and above is considered protective against heart disease. The lower your LDL cholesterol, the lower your risk of heart attack and stroke. Less then 100 is optimal. Triglyceride is a form of fat. People with high triglycerides often have a high total cholesterol level normal is less than 150 mg/dL. The hemoglobin A1c test is an important blood test used to determine how well your diabetes is being controlled. Hemoglobin A1c provides an average of your blood sugar control over a six to 12 week period. For people without diabetes, the normal range for the hemoglobin A1c test is between 4% and 6%. Because studies have repeatedly shown that out-of-control diabetes results in complications from the disease, the goal for people with diabetes is an hemoglobin A1c less than 7%. The higher the hemoglobin A1c, the higher the risks of developing complications related to diabetes. (WebMD March 8, 2009)

Now, keep in mind I have had NO new medications here. I am only on insulin for my diabetes. These changes were all done 100% on diet and exercise.

So I think I'm going to stick to my guns on this one, and do what I want, because in the long run it does make a difference.