LIVE by JS

2010 The Year of Change

2010-12-31T11:58:00.007-05:00

19 years ago today I walked into a New Year's Eve party in Sterling. I smiled and said "hi" to a guy I went to college with, Andrew. And when I did the guy sitting next to him on the sofa said "you know HER? I would like to know HER". Which made me giggle. I went on to talk to that guy who wanted to know HER, date him, marry him, and spend 15 wonderful years with him. But this year it seems, was the ultimate year of change, since in October the final and only thing in my life that did not change in the past 3 years, moved out. And so it is with a heavy heart that I write this, my last blog.

I started this blog one year ago to help people - people considering doing the neratinib drug trial, people with diabetes, people with cancer, but I have decided that really I have no business telling people how to live there lives, when I can't seem to even make sense of my own. :0)

So, instead, I will end with a summary of the tremendous lessons I have learned this year, 2010, "The Year of Change".

10. Stretch every day. It really does make a difference. I am (knock wood) pain free for the first time in my life, because of this simple life change.

9. It's ok to be sad sometimes - I grew up in a family of positivity. You weren't allowed to be sad, you weren't allowed to feel sorry for yourself. And considering 3 of the 4 of us have had cancer, I can see how this is helpful, but this year I learned what I did not learn when I had cancer - it's ok sometimes to be sad, to sit on the kitchen floor and cry your heart out. It's ok to be sad sometimes.

8. Say no - you don't have to do things just to make people like you. You can say no if you would rather not do something. If they don't still like you, then they were not worth having in your life to begin with.

7. Simplify - your life, physically and mentally. I moved again this year, into my dream house, and it's everything I've always wanted. But it's for sale now, and I need to move again. Third time in 3 years. Less stuff makes this easier. Keep what is important to you, and get rid of the rest.

6. Show up and be present - I did alot with friends and family this year, and I really tried to pay attention to them while I was with them. By only saying yes to the things I wanted to do, and I had time to do, I was able to really be present and listen, share, and be present in my life.

5. Change can be good - when I lost my job this summer I was terrified. But the job I have now is so much better then any job I've had for the past 10 years. It's new and different, it's fun, and I'm learning new things. I never would have changed on my own, but being laid off forced me to change. And it was a great change!

4. Make a difference on a small scale - I cannot change the world. But I can serve chili to homeless people, I can also bake them apple pies, I can volunteer to be in a drug trial to help save lives with cancer in the future, I can ride my bike 100K to raise money for diabetes, I can tutor a high schooler in algebra, I can make a difference, even if it's only to one person.

3. Don't take your days for granted - Jake taught me this one. He has a giant lump the size of a softball on his hip. Yet he still wags his tail more then most dogs. He still loves to go outside for a walk, he still loves to relax in a sunbeam. Maybe nothing major is happening today in your life, but take the time each day to enjoy something, however small it may be.

2. It's ok to fail - I am an expert at failing. I have failed at nearly everything I've tried, now including marriage. Yet I find that if you get back up, brush yourself off, and keep on trying, that life surprises you. I think it would be worse to never try. So I will keep trying, and failing. :0)

1. Be happy on your own - for years my friends have been telling me this one and I never understood what they meant. But this year I finally figured it out, first while married, and then more recently, no longer married. I know, for the first time in my life, how to be happy all by myself. I know what I like to do, and what I enjoy, I know what makes me happy, and I know how to deal with stress, I am not worried about what other people want me to do, or expect me to do, and I know how to be happy on my own. For the first time in my life I feel like a grown up. For the first time in my life, I am strong, all by myself.

So, to the few people who read this blog, thank you. I have had fun sharing my stories with you. The drug trial is over, and I 100% recommend it, as I never had a horrible side effect, yeah to cancer drug science. I have had a horrible and wonderful year of change. And I am hopeful for new and exciting adventures in 2011 - for all of us!

The end.

Holiday Traditions

2010-12-08T12:48:00.004-05:00

I think every family has holiday traditions. Things that when you are a kid you think is stupid, but as I grow older they are the exact things I look forward to each year. Some we still do, some are long gone, but here are a few of my favorites.

Every year my Grandma would make all the grandkids a giant gingerbread house. This is before there were kits, LOL, so she would bake it from scratch, assemble it, and then decorate it herself. Each year it was different, and I thought they were magical! The entire family would get together and have a big dinner at her and Grandpop's house. Then after dinner all of the cousins would gather around Grandma's kitchen table and eat the gingerbread house. Well, or so that was the idea. Most years Bart, Ant, and Joey would attack it or crush it, or somehow destroy it within seconds. Then us girls would gather around to pick up the pieces of candy that hadn't fallen on the floor. :0) Grandma died in the 90's but I still think of her and my cousins every year when I see gingerbread houses.

One holiday tradition that was probably my favorite, and still is - is the buckeye. My Dad's family all lives in Ohio, where he was born and raised. And a tradition in that area is the peanut butter and chocolate buckeye. YUM. Two of my most favorite foods. This tradition is now passed all the way down to Jill and Katie, I have been excluded since I eat too much of the dough (and it makes Jill upset! LOL) but it's soooo good. Every year they make thousands of buckeyes and it's a long and hard process - starting with miking everything in giant pots to hand dipping each and every peanut butter ball in chocolate. I always wait until Christmas morning to eat my first one of the season, and to me, that's Christmas. :0)

Whatever your tradition, and wherever you are in your life, I hope you take the time to enjoy this holiday season!

New Week

2010-12-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

About two weeks ago I read a great article in one of my magazines about Condalisa Rice. In it she explained how people constantly ask her what her plans are for the next 5 to 10 years, and how this question upsets her. Things change, she said, so it's her philosophy to make plans only for the next few weeks, and then to see what else comes up and go from there.

I have always been a planner. I come from a family of planners, we plan everything down to the minute, every little detail taken into consideration. For this reason Ms Rice's advise both intrigued me and scared me to death. But, I decided to give it a shot.

Last night was one of my first attempts at my new plan, and I am happy to say it was incredibly successful. I was called late on Sunday night and asked to help serve chili to homeless families at my local soup kitchen. All I knew was what time to show up, and an address. Two days before trying something new, with complete strangers, and I had no plan, I had no details! But at 4:30 on Tuesday I showed up at the address and walked in with the homeless guys who were standing outside. And for the next two hours I did whatever was asked of me, shouted at me, or simply needed to be done. I made a giant bowl of cole slaw, I dished out apple sauce, I poured glasses of tea, I put 2 rolls on 65 plates and added a slice of butter, I cleaned, I delivered plates to tables, and I simply helped. Those 2 hours were some of the most rewarding I've had in several months. I was helping a church group serve, but it was the homeless men, who one by one all came over to the kitchen and yelled out "Thank you! God Bless You!". Several of the men I see all the time in my neighborhood. It was humbling to me to realize that people I assumed lived down the street, actually had no home, and no food to eat.

Near the end of the night the last round of guys were packing up to leave, and the abundance of left overs was shocking to me. These guys were heading out to go sleep outside in the 40 degree rainy night, and we had leftovers! I grabbed an open pack of cookies and went out into the dining room and offered a younger guy in a Redskin sweatshirt more cookies. He looked at me and smiled and said "oh man, thank you! Wish those were the lemon ones, I love those lemon ones" (OK I hate lemon cookies but to each his own) so I went back into the kitchen and grabbed him an entire pack of lemon cookies and took them out to him and the look on his face was something I will never forget. You would have thought I gave him a car. He was so happy to have some lemon cookies it shocked me. Here is a man who has no place to live, who is sleeping on the streets, and has no food to eat. He has more problems then I could ever imagine, and yet he made me realize how the little things in life really can bring you happiness.

So as I continue on my journey of living without a long term plan, and in this holiday season of stress and overdoing, I wish you all some happiness in whatever your version of the lemon cookie is. :0)

A Short Guide to a Happy Life

2010-11-27T14:04:00.003-05:00

When I was at my Mom's on Thanksgiving she gave me a bunch of novels she had read to see if I wanted to read any of them. When I was looking at the selection a little slim book caught my eye, "A Short Guide to a Happy Life". I pulled that one out, and read it in one sitting. Have you ever read something that just spoke directly to your soul? This book did that to me.

Ann Quindlen wrote the book after loosing her mother to cancer. She writes how this one event in her life changed the way she lived forever. She no longer was a person who let life pass her by, but she suddenly had an overwhelming desire to live deeply every day. She became a better friend, a better employee, a better listener. She was present, she showed up, she laughed. She ate fudge and she enjoyed it. She went to events instead of sitting home. She started doing all the things she had always planned to do.

This year on Thanksgiving I am grateful for so many things. I have a life full of adventure, wonderful people, and comforts that most people take for granted. But more then that, I realized after reading this book, that I am grateful that I too, have learned the same lesson as Ms. Quindlen, and I share her overwhelming desire to live. I have made most of the same changes she has in her life, and I am a happier person for it. I show up, I listen, I laugh. I have learned how to find happiness in the little things in life, and to never take things for granted.

I will end this with my favorite passage from the book, one that truly explains how I feel, one that reaches into my core:

"I learned to live many years ago. Something really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had a choice, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is what, today, sometimes seems to be the hardest lesson of all.
I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that this is not the dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get."

Happy Thanksgiving!

Chicago!

2010-11-19T16:00:00.004-05:00

This week I took my first trip to Chicago. I cannot wait to go back! What a fantastic city! I am sorry to say I did not take my camera with me, but I don't know when I have been so impressed with a city.

The downtown area was full of old historical buildings, beautiful architecture, and so much character. The Wrigley Building was incredible, and in my mind way out shown the Sears Tower. (OK yes, it was impressively tall!) There was a River Walk along the river, as well as a paved bike and running trail all along the lake. The lake, of course, being Lake Michigan, and so large that it looked just like the ocean. Beaches and parks were everywhere. On Sunday when I arrived I walked along the water, and then out onto Navy Pier. What a great family attraction - there were rides, there were restaurants, there was shopping, and there was a large (and free) stained glass museum full of beautiful stain glass works from around the world.

After the pier I walked down the Magnificent Mile. Store after store after store, anything you wanted, it was sold on this stretch of road. There was a huge Macy's with the giant display windows like NYC. And here was one of the best parts - it was so clean! I'm not sure how they do it.

But maybe the best part was the pizza. OK we've all been to Pizzeria Uno's at the mall. LOL. This is nothing at all like that. This was by far the best pizza I have ever had! It was so fresh and full of cheese and so very delicious. I would go back just for the pizza!

So, if you've never been, I highly recommend a weekend trip to Chicago. There is something there for everyone. Be sure to try the pizza! :0)

Sweat for a Vet 2010

2010-11-13T15:11:00.003-05:00

So today I participated in "Sweat for a Vet 2010". For 3 hours I joined about a thousand others worldwide in spin class. Yep, 3 hours of spinning. The event was held by the man who created the spin bike - he has a new invention, a krank bike. The krank bike is a spin bike that you pedal with your hands. It's a great upper body workout, and Sport & Health clubs in the area are going to start having spin/krank classes that have both kinds of bikes in them - providing a full body workout!

But today was for the local vets. Together we raised over $70,000 for Walter Reed Hospital to get outfitted with these new krank bikes. These new bikes provide cardio exercise as well as rehabilitation for all of the disabled vets at the hospital.

It was truly inspiring to me to attend the class with so many vets. I mean think about it - when was the last time you were in a spin class, with an empty wheelchair next to you? There were several vets from Walter Reed in class using the krank bikes. With these bikes these guys can get an awesome cardio workout, as well as build incredible upper body strength.

I am grateful today for many things, that I have two legs that work and that my health is good enough that I can spin for 3 hours. But more then that, I am grateful for all of the vets who have fought, and continue to fight for our freedom. God bless America!

So, life isn't fair....

2010-11-07T18:40:00.005-05:00

I grew up in a family that honestly believes Life is Fair. My Mom taught me and my sister, that if you are a good girl, you go to church and say your prayers, and you are a nice person and a hard worker, then you will go far in life and in happiness. In retrospect I know Mom believed this to be true.

After cancer, loosing my father, diabetes, loosing my job, and now the crumbling of my marriage I know for a fact, life simply is not fair. Sometimes you can do your best, you can be a nice person, you can go to church and say your prayers, and still have it all fall apart. You can still loose those you love, you can still get sick, and you can still watch all of your dreams float away.

Mom learned this lesson 3 years ago when she lost the man she loved to cancer. They had saved there whole lives for retirement, they had trips planned, they had dreams, they had ideas. But none of those were realized, cancer took Dad before they were able to take those trips, buy those cars. It was recently that Mom told me how hard it was to give up all those dreams, and how difficult it was for her to try and think of new dreams for her future, dreams that could not include Dad. Sadly after 69 years Mom had finally realized, life isn't fair.

This weekend though she took a big step. This weekend she drove 6 hours to visit her best friend in the whole world. I'm sure they are sitting out on Sally's porch now looking at the lake talking, laughing and crying together, true sisters at heart. I'm sure Mom is overjoyed at being there, and seeing Sally in person. And I know that she is thanking God for her friend, and for the lesson that Sally has taught us all - to keep trying. You see 2 years ago Sally, a perfectly healthy 50 year old nurse, mother to 6 kids, had a massive stroke, a stroke that left her paralyzed on an entire side of her body.

The fact that Mom took this step inspires me to keep going and to keep trying. And her best friend Sally reminds me to stop worrying about what is going wrong in life, and always be thankful for what I do have.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2010-10-22T10:09:00.003-04:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, with that in mind when was the last time you checked in on the girls? :0) Regardless of your family history, everyone should check 'em at least once a month.

Here are the signs to watch out for:

Lump
Swelling, warmth, redness or darkening
Change in the size or shape of the breast
Dimpling or puckering of the skin
Itchy, scaly sore or rash on the nipple
Pulling in of your nipple or other parts of the breast
New pain in one spot that doesn’t go away

The Komen Foundation has a great online tool if you need instructions or tips. Here's the link:

http://ww5.komen.org/BreastCancer/BreastSelfAwareness.html

Don't think it can't happen to you. Be smart. Check them.

Choices

2010-10-12T10:58:00.003-04:00

I think the best thing that Weight Watchers OnLine taught me is how to make better choices. Everyone makes food choices every day. But do you know really what you are eating and how much of it?

I was reminded of this yesterday when I went to Panera Bread. I go to Panera alot to use the Free wi-fi for work, typically I get a coffee and that's it. Yesterday when the cashier scanned my frequent user card she said "Oh! Happy birthday! You get a free bagel!" I was going to say no, and then saw the Pink Ribbon Bagel, and figured I could eat it as my lunch. So I got it plain in a to go bag and took it home with me.

A great cause ( $.50 of each bagel goes to breast cancer research in the month of October), and a really yummy bagel, I ate it plain for lunch and enjoyed it. Then I went online in the afternoon and looked up the points value. 8.5!

So just to make my point clear - for lunch yesterday I had one, plain, pink ribbon bagel.

For that same points value I could have had all of the following:
oatmeal
a banana
an apple
yogurt
a chocolate vitamuffin
the whole can of Progresso light Santa Fe Style Chicken soup

Which do you think would fill you up more? One bagel or that list of food?

This is the basis of Weight watchers. The choice is yours, and if you want a bagel sometimes then have it, but if most days you pick the list, you will not be as hungry, and you will loose weight.

Your diet does make a difference....

2010-10-06T14:00:00.008-04:00

This week I am inspired by my good friend Martin. Martin and I have been friends for over 10 years, somewhere along the way he was diagnosed with Type II diabetes. He takes two different pills to control his sugar levels, and like most type II diabetics, is to watch what he eats. Martin, like most diabetics, got a little lax recently on watching what he ate, and when he went to the doctor was surprised to hear his hemoglobin A1c was really high. Not good! His doctor gave him the option to try and better his score with changes to his diet, and if that did not prove to be successful then Martin was headed for insulin shots. That same day I got an email from him asking "can you help a brother out?". :0)

Of course I was eager to help! I love to tell other people what to do! LOL. So we started with testing his sugar more then once in awhile, Martin impressively tested for me 4 times a day. He was hitting high levels after eating both lunch and breakfast. So we took a look at what he was eating. Here's his typical day:

Honey Nut Cheerios
Milk
Coffee

Bagel (white)
Turkey
Cheese
Mayo

Stir fry shrimp and veggies
White rice

A few cookies

A lot of empty carbs, so we decided to switch those up and see if there was an improvement in his numbers. After much work on his part he stitched to:

Scrambled egg whites
1 piece whole wheat toast
2 pieces turkey bacon
Coffee

2 slices whole wheat bread
turkey or ham lunch meat
low fat cheese

Chicken/turkey/beef
Veggies - steamed or stir fried
Brown rice or a smaller serving of white rice

OK now it took over a week to find this pattern, but the changes made his sugar levels drop down and remain impressively low. When he started having some sugar levels that were too low, he researched one of the medications he was taking and figured out he would be better off taking it at another time during the day. With this additional change his high sugar levels have disappeared! Martin is proof that you can take control of your health, you can work at it, tweak it, change it, and you can make a difference. His doctor gave him a decision, and he acted on it, and persisted until he had the outcome that he wanted - better sugar levels. He is proof that what you eat directly effects your health, every-single-meal.

He inspires me to do better and try harder at my own diet, not letting myself fall into a food rut. But more then that, about a week into our "project" he texted me that he was out to dinner with friends and he was having a margarita. And my heart sank I was so disappointed. Then the next day I got an email telling me about this wonderful dinner he had with great friends celebrating there birthdays at a great Mexican restaurant. And it was my turn to learn a lesson, and be inspired further by my friend Martin. He has taught me that life is too short to not stop sometimes and enjoy those special occasions with those we love, and the food we love along with that. It's just one meal, in the long run it wont make a difference to your diet - but the happiness and joy we get from friends and family is something that can never be measured.

Your diet makes a difference in your health and in your life. It goes both ways as Martin and I have proved. Watching things closer can bring you better health and help you feel better. And, letting loose sometimes to enjoy food with family and friends can help you truly live life.

Drug trial update

2010-10-04T10:29:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update this morning on the drug trial, since I know I haven't mentioned it in awhile. I do not have the bloating anymore (yeah!) so I'm not sure what this was, but hopefully it was not a side effect of these pills. I do still have numbness in my left hand fingers, which has been ongoing for 3 months. I also have a remarkable amount of itchiness on my left palm. Weird, but possibly a side effect.

Last week I did catch a cold from Brad. Not thinking I took advil cold and sinus and went along with life. At lunchtime I decided to walk 3 blocks to the ATM and got so dizzy I almost had to sit down. I figured my sugar level was low and didn't think about it again. The next morning I took more advil cold and sinus and went for a run with Brad. About mile 3 I got so dizzy I thought for sure I was going to pass out. I completely lost all of my energy and was just out of it. I never have had an issue with advil before, and I take it all the time. That night when I spoke to my friend Marianne she asked me if I had called the drug nurses before taking it - OOppps! No I didn't. So I called them and they said they didn't know of any drug interactions but to log it all in case I had some side effects. I still had no energy, and I still felt very dizzy - but my sugar levels were fine. So I stopped taking the advil. Within 2 hours I felt 99% better - my energy came back, I was no longer dizzy - sure I had a runny nose and a bit of a sore throat, but the difference was remarkable.

So, I still don't know and can't say if it really was a drug interaction. But if you are out on the Internet like I was last week looking for someone else to tell you they tried this and did not feel good at all, then here you go. I took Advil Cold and Sinus with Neratinib and I lost 80% of my energy level, and felt very dizzy!

legs

2010-09-27T16:38:00.003-04:00

I am inspired this week by my niece Katie. My family is not what you would call a "sports" family. My sister and her husband did not play sports growing up, and I played soccer and basketball only after getting type 1 diabetes - as a way to stay active. Mom would come to my games, but it was rare for anyone I knew besides her to be there. So this summer when I was at the lake with my niece we went to the local YMCA. She ran on the treadmill, and after we were chatting and she mentioned to me that she might like to try out for the cross country team. I was floored. This is the same girl a few years back that didn't like to have to walk too far. :0) I was so excited but didn't want to push too hard, so I tried my best to be objective and supportive.

Well, she joined. I was so excited I was jumping up and down, and I took her out immediately and bought her good running clothes. Then she asked me if I wanted to come join the team and run with them on a Saturday practice - of course i do!! LOL. So I went, and when the option was given to turn around at 2 miles or go to 5 miles I suggested we go the 5. The coach was shocked, and we were the only girls that went the longer distance. :0) I went to the first meet prepared to not embarrass her. I really tried, but it only lasted about 2 mins when she moved quickly into first place. I was screaming and jumping up and down, running all over the course to keep screaming and jumping up and down. She came in third, her first race ever. I am so proud! First place was her teammate. In each race since she has been in the top two finishers for her school. As I stood at a meet watching her coming far off in the distance I noticed the boys team standing by the fence, so I kept quiet and listened. "That Legs?" one said, "I don't know, she took off fast bet she tired out" the other said back to him. "Nah, not Leg's", he said "she's gonna blow them all away".

To say I am proud of her is an understatement. As Brad said over the weekend, she is the real deal, she is running, she is stretching, and she is eating right. She is eating healthy foods, extra protein, and staying away from anything that can negatively effect her running. And she's having fun. This is from an email I got from her today:

Cross Country is going pretty good. It gets easier every day. I can keep up with the boys at practice now (they can't stand a girl beating them). I only have one more chance to make the 15:00 club on our course before I leave James Wood. I have a meet tomorrow and we are going to dominate for the girls team! I'll have to tell you how it goes.

This week I am inspired by Leg's - now let's all go out and beat the boys!!

Come run with me!

2010-09-23T08:41:00.002-04:00

Last fall my cousin Shelley met and interviewed Jim Atkins, Chairman of the Cherry Blossom Breast Cancer Foundation. The Cherry Blossom Breast Cancer Foundation was created in honor of Cheryl Clayton Atkins, whose childhood nickname was “Cherry Blossom.” Her death from breast cancer and her wish that her husband would work to make life better for those who followed her, were the motivations for the formation of the Foundation. In 2006, her husband, Jim and some of her friends began their breast cancer effort.

Three simultaneous Walks/5K runs for breast cancer will be held on October 10, 2010 in Leesburg, Middleburg, Warrenton, all named “Cherry Blossom Walks for Breast Cancer and 5K Runs. Conducted during national Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the Walks’ net financial objective is $300,000, 80% of which will be awarded to Fauquier and Loudoun charities and nonprofits for breast cancer detection, treatment and education; 20% will be granted to regional research.

The Leesburg Cherry Blossom Walk and 5K Run for Breast Cancer will begin at 1 pm, Sunday, October 10 at Morven Park’s Equestrian Center just north of Leesburg, at Tutt Lane off Route 15.

Come on out and join us for a great cause!! Sign up at:

http://www.cherryblossombreastcancerfoundation.org/

Three things I learned on vacation

2010-09-15T15:03:00.006-04:00

This past week I've been on vacation with Mom. We had a really great trip to the Hudson Valley. We toured all of the mansions from the Rockefeller's, Vanderbilt, Washington Irving, FDR, and Jay Gould. I came away from this trip relaxed, restored, and having learned three lessons.

ONE: The Hudson Valley is really very beautiful, and I cannot believe I have never been there before. The combo of water and mountains, farms and city, is just incredible. It should be on everyones bucket list.

TWO: I have a sweet tooth, this I've always known, but now I have confirmation that I get it from my Mom. This could also be called the vacation of desserts. We typically had two per day, one at lunch and one at dinner, and we covered it all, everything from NY cheesecake, to cookies at tea time, to sherbet. We had cake, pies, mousses, cookies, candies, you name it, if it was a dessert we had some. Another plus of the Hudson Valley was the food was incredible. Everything we ate was delicious. And so we ate more.

THIRD: One day of eating out and eating bad makes me feel sick. But what I didn't know, is after eating that way for several days, I stop feeling ill, and I just feel like eating more sweets. Not good. Luckily for me I was smart before I left and I scheduled a session with my personal trainer for the morning after I got back. And it took everything in me to go this morning, but now I feel so much better, and I am back on track and eating healthy and working out.

So I am up a few pounds, but back on the healthy track. And I'm relaxed, restored, and have alot of happy memories from a great trip. :0)

Hands like sandpaper

2010-09-07T16:08:00.005-04:00

Three years ago this week I spoke to my Dad for the last time. I will never forget walking into the Emergency room into his room and going around that curtain to see him sitting there, Mom, as always, right by his side. His face lit up and a smile spread across his face and he said "Hey Bud! Whatcha doin here?" Like it never would have occurred to him that I would leave work early and drive like a maniac to see him. "Oh I dunno Dad, I was bored at work today so thought I'd drive out and see if you get orange jello tonight, you know it's my favorite" I replied. Then we both grinned and I saw that twinkle in his eye.

About two hours later in a hospital room the morphine kicked in and he stopped talking to us. He lived for another three days, but never woke back up. So orange jello was the last thing I spoke to my Dad about.

I miss him so much some days it physically hurts. Buying an older house Brad and I both commented we wished he could be here to tell us what to look out for, what to check before moving in. And when I lost my job, everything he taught me went thru my head and pushed me to do everything I could to get another job quickly. I miss his advise, which he was always ready to give. I miss his crazy stories. I miss the way he could fix anything at all. I miss driving down the road to the house and seeing him mowing the field in his grey shorts, wife beater, straw hat, and white knee socks. (Gotta watch the Ticks Jen! Those suckers will getcha!) But most days I miss his hands. His hands were like sandpaper, so rough they would scratch you, yet in them was everything he ever taught me and everything he believed in. Life is not handed to you, you have to work hard to earn it. Count your blessings. And no matter what, it could always, always be worse.

It's hard to believe it's been three years since I've held those hands or seen the twinkle in his eye. But I do know that he still pushes me everyday to try, to do the best that I can do, and to LIVE my life to the fullest.

The rest of the story....

2010-09-01T14:03:00.003-04:00

On a happier note, Brad and I have put a contract down on the perfect little house. It took me about 5 minutes of looking around to know it was where I wanted to live. It's everything I've always wanted in a house. It's 170 years old, it still has the original floors in most of the house, there is a window box out front, it's full of character, and the best part - it's orange. Yep, orange. We have no grass, and really very little yard work at all (I will not miss the Wisteria or the Ivy here! UG!) It's in what I consider to be a wonderful location, for me at least, one block to Safeway, one block to church, 6 blocks to the gym, 3 blocks to King Street (shopping and restaurants) and Brad's favorite - one short walk thru the tunnel to the water (Potomac River). Yep, an Orange house at the end of an old railroad tunnel - not sure if there could be a more perfect house for us. :0) We close near the end of Sept!

I knew all of this when I lost my job, which might be more of the reason for all the tears. The good news is I have a really great internal lead on a job that hopefully will pan out for me. Thanks to everyone for the prayers and positive thoughts!

Change is Inevitable

2010-08-27T14:32:00.004-04:00

Over the past 3 years I have pretty much changed everything in my life. I have a new attitude, a new body, new priorities, I live in a new city, I have a new car - everything that is, but my job. Through everything I have gone thru my one constant was my job, in fact, I've worked at BT for 12 years. Not in the same position, but for the same company, and in the same areas. Monday that changed.

I was called into the office Monday by my manager, who lied to me, and told me there was a meeting to discuss an escalation that had come up and he needed me there to help him present everything we were doing to fix the issue to the customer. I figured it out pretty quick when I entered the conference room and he was the only one there, with a folder with my name on it, and he couldn't look me in the eye. It seemed his new UK based boss had decided that the team should be centered in the UK and he was cutting costs by cutting the US team in half. So half of us were loosing our jobs. After 12 years I was being let go.

To my own surprise, I took it hard. I did not cry when diagnosed with cancer. And to my credit I didn't cry in front of my boss, but I did once I got to my car. I felt, and still feel like a failure. I'm trying to see this as a new opportunity, as a new start. And I realized today that this will officially change everything in my life over the past 3 years - a complete life overhaul.

So with a heavy but hopeful heart, I am off to look for another job. Wish me luck!

The 10 things I love about summer

2010-08-18T19:43:00.005-04:00

In my job I work with very few people that live local to me. Today for example, I spoke to a guy in Poland, two in London, one in Atlanta, one in Minnesota, as well as a good friend in California. And I realized, that I take the east coast season's for granted. It's hard to believe that we are almost to the end of August, and summer is nearly over! So with a renewed energy to stop taking it all for granted, I give you my Top 10 things I love about summer.

10. Lightning bugs (as kids we used to catch them in mason jars!)
9. Slurpee's or snow cones on a hot day (orange is my favorite)
8. Thunderstorms - with lots of lightning! (Thanks for the reminder Martin!) :0)
7. Fresh picked corn on the cob
6. Fireworks (OK so technically there are fireworks in the winter, but I think more in summer)
5. Home grown tomato's
4. Lazy afternoons spent sitting by the pool (or in the pool)
3. Peaches (sliced in half, pit removed, juices running down your arm)
2. Outdoor concerts
1. Watermelon!

It'll be gone before you know it, it will be dark at 5pm, and cold. I hope to spend these last few weeks enjoying what I have been taking for granted. :0) Happy Summer!

2010-08-12T15:09:00.008-04:00

A few months ago at a family reunion an uncle of Brad's said to me "Jenny you're a country girl! How can you live where you live and like it?" and at the time I had no answer, except that I do love it, more then I ever would have imagined. I simply love where I live now, I love living in the city. I feel more at home here then anywhere else I have lived.

Over the past two months I would think about it now and then, and wonder why I felt so at home in the city when I never lived in the city. This morning I went for a run, and I finally made the connection. Grandma Moors!

My Grandma Moors lived inside the city of Philadelphia her entire life. She loved that city with a passion. As a young woman she would walk to mass each morning, then take the subway to her job downtown. She went to the theater, she went to the shows, she went dancing. She walked everywhere. Later, when she married and raised her three children she lived in the city and taught them everything she loved about it.

My grandfather died when I was in middle school, and every summer after he died until I went to college my cousin Bart and I would go stay with her for the whole summer. Those summers were some of the best times of my childhood. She took me to every single museum in Philly. We went to see the Philly's play baseball, we went to Wannamakers to hear the organ play at noon. We went on hikes through Fairmount Park and the zoo. But more then that, I walked with her in the mornings to mass. I walked with her to the grocery store. We picked berries in the park and she taught me how to make jam. We made Bart (who is very tall) pick apples off the trees and she taught me how to make apple sauce. We walked to the library and checked out books. And when it was too hot to walk anywhere she taught me how to crochet and sew. She was always up for an adventure.

The parallels to those summers and my life now are remarkable. I love walking everywhere, I love going to the library again, I love going to the theater and concerts. I am visiting all of my local historical sites. I am doing all of the walking tours in my hood. I am finally home.

So yes I did technically live in the country for most of my life. But my summers were spent in one of America's greatest cities. With one of the greatest role models of my life, my grandma.

Me and Bart downtown Philly....(above)

Grandma, Heidi, and I outside of the Liberty Bell (below)

When do my thighs stop touching?

2010-08-10T10:16:00.004-04:00

Growing up I was always heavy. Until very recently I was overweight. And I spent more time then I would like to admit wondering what it felt like to be skinny. I would look at my skinny friends and wonder what it was like to never feel fat like I felt, to never feel too full, to never feel like my clothes were tight. As I started to loose weight I really looked forward to the day where I would jump out of bed feeling skinny, thin and fit, not to mention healthy -every-single-day. I couldn't wait for the day when my thigh's didn't touch when I ran. I imagined how much better and happier life would be once I fit into a certain size, and life just became better.

Then I lost all the weight, I'm now a size 4, a size 4! and most days I still feel just as fat as I did as a size 14. My thighs still touch enough that I can feel it. Some days my clothes are loose, some days they fit, and some days they are really tight. Sometimes I can eat a giant bowl of watermelon with Brad, and then my belly feels so full when I look down it looks like I have a giant beer gut.

So now I wonder - I've changed my body, I've lost the weight - but now how do I change my mindset? How do I make my head realize that everyone feels fat? How do I make my head realize that this feeling isn't going to go away if I am a size 2 or a size 0, and at those sizes I am still going to have days where I feel fat?

So this is my new plan of action - to keep up with the eating healthy, exercising, and staying active - but to work on the emotional aspect of it - so I can start to enjoy all of my hard work.

I'm sorry you feel this way....

2010-08-03T12:26:00.006-04:00

One of the hardest things for me to deal with after loosing all of my weight, and starting to live more healthy - are my families. :0) Both my family and my husbands family give me a hard time about the changes to my diet.

On my side I get a lot of "One day is not going to hurt you" and "I made this diet pie, as well as these cookies for you" LOL. I know they mean well and I do try and keep extra points for the days that I am visiting them.

My husband's family just makes fun of me. They call me a vegetarian, and ask if I would go out to eat if we went to a vegetarian restaurant. When I ask if we can get together and have it not center around food I was actually told "eating out is my hobby, it's what I do". LOL. OK so then that's a no I guess? They laugh at me eating oatmeal, and comment on how much cinnamon I put in it.

So, after the doctor last week I have now the confidence to hold my ground. My healthy eating, and the changes I have made to my diet have greatly influenced my health. Check this out:

Before:

Weight: 182 pounds
HGB A1c: 10.4
Glucose: 329
Total cholesterol: 220
hdl: 40
tri: 50
ldl: 130

After:

Weight: 134 pounds
HGB A1c: 6.7
Glucose: 88
Total cholesterol: 183
hdl: 87
tri: 43
ldl: 87

An HDL of 60 mg/dL and above is considered protective against heart disease. The lower your LDL cholesterol, the lower your risk of heart attack and stroke. Less then 100 is optimal. Triglyceride is a form of fat. People with high triglycerides often have a high total cholesterol level normal is less than 150 mg/dL. The hemoglobin A1c test is an important blood test used to determine how well your diabetes is being controlled. Hemoglobin A1c provides an average of your blood sugar control over a six to 12 week period. For people without diabetes, the normal range for the hemoglobin A1c test is between 4% and 6%. Because studies have repeatedly shown that out-of-control diabetes results in complications from the disease, the goal for people with diabetes is an hemoglobin A1c less than 7%. The higher the hemoglobin A1c, the higher the risks of developing complications related to diabetes. (WebMD March 8, 2009)

Now, keep in mind I have had NO new medications here. I am only on insulin for my diabetes. These changes were all done 100% on diet and exercise.

So I think I'm going to stick to my guns on this one, and do what I want, because in the long run it does make a difference.

Love your doctor

2010-07-29T16:25:00.003-04:00

Mom and Dad live in a small town. For this reason there are only a handful of oncologists. Mom selected hers during her first battle with breast cancer. Four years later when Dad was diagnosed with cancer, he went to the same oncologist. And two years after that when Mom's cancer returned, she too went back to this same oncologist.
As Dad's cancer progressed I fought with him weekly to find another oncologist. I was certain this guy didn't know what he was doing. My sister and I both offered to drive him to John Hopkins, or the Cleveland Clinic. Dad did eventually go to both of these famous hospitals, but only when his oncologist had referred him to a friend of his there. Every time I brought it up to my Mom she would smile and say "oh I could never do that to him, I could never switch to another doctor".
During the last year of his life Mom and Dad had joint appointments. They would go in together in the same room, talk about Dad and then talk about Mom. Then they'd walk over to the chemo room always together.
It wasn't until about 2 months after Dad died that I finally understood. I had called Mom to ask her how her appointment had gone. She told me it was so hard, and when I asked her what was wrong she said slowly "well, it was the first time I had ever been in that room without your Dad. I got in there and sat on the table and could not stop crying. Dr Red* came in and immediately got the nurse and she held me as he got me a glass of water. Then he talked to me for a good 20 minutes about how it would get easier and it would get better, and I just had to keep pushing myself forward one day at a time. And he's right, and he was so helpful".
It wasn't until that point that I finally understood that Mom and Dad trusted Dr Red. And that is the most important thing to have in a relationship with your doctor. If you don't trust them you will not be honest with them, and then you will never get the health care you need. You need to be able to be open and honest with your doctor and feel comfortable talking to them about anything and everything. And then you need to do it.
I love both of my doctors. I love my oncologist, he is by far the best doctor I have ever had. He has a wonderful sense of humor, and a positive outlook, yet he can be stern and is not afraid to tell you the bad news straight out. The first day I met him he told me, "you are going to hate me, and then you are going to really really hate me, and then slowly you will like me again". Not only do I like him again, I actually look forward to seeing him, and to going to appointments!
I feel the same way about my diabetes doctor. He treats me like an equal, and always takes the time to explain to me in detail whatever questions I have. He is always up to speed on the new treatments that have come out, and the new devices, and he always backs his opinion up with facts. My appointments with him always put my mind at ease, and help me to feel more educated on my medical issues.
It's important to form a medical team that you trust, and that you feel help you to feel and be your best. Don't settle for someone you don't like.

It's your health, don't take it for granted!

*names changed to protect the innocent.

The calls you never want to get

2010-07-27T13:08:00.003-04:00

"Hi Jenny it's Sally*"
"Hi! How are you?!"
"I've been diagnosed with breast cancer, and I have questions, do you have a minute?"
"I'm so sorry. Yes, of course, I have all the time in the world."

Sally is a good friend, loyal wife, mother to a two year old girl and a 3 week old son. Yes, you read that right, a 3 week old son. She's 37 years old, and very healthy. To say this call brought me intense sadness is an understatement. But I know that she is strong enough to fight her way through this, and although I was sad to hear her news, I was happy to be able to answer questions and help in any way I could. In case you are out on the internet looking for answers for a friend, family member, or yourself - here are my tips for breast cancer surgery.

First and foremost, the week of surgery take time to take long showers - get some really nice soap and shampoo and wash up and remember it all, enjoy it. You wont be able to lift your arms up comfortably to wash your hair for awhile without pain, trust me on this one.
While your in there shave well. Shaving is not allowed until everything is 100% healed. Nuff said.
Go out and get yourself some Avon Skin So Soft - liquid, not lotion. One of the most painful things for me was getting the surgery bandages off of my swollen breasts. I found out much later if you soak the bandage with the Skin So Soft it comes off with no pain. (And it's in an easy spray bottle!)
A few days before surgery typically the hospital will call you and ask you about 15 minutes of questions. Be ready for this. Have a list of all medications you are on, all pills and dosages you take - even vitamins. And any procedures or surgeries you've had. If they tell you to not take something you think you should, contact your doctor after the call and ask. You are responsible here, follow your instincts.
Go out and purchase tops that are loose, soft, and open in the front. You can't pull tops over your head - they need to button up or zip up.
Make sure you have some ice packs and go ahead and put them in your freezer.
The day of surgery wear something you can get into with little fuss. I was in so much pain Brad had to dress me. Make it easy for them to help.
And this is a given, but take your meds. Take the pain pills. Keep taking the pain pills.

And then the second call/text, yesterday a text from her friends:
"What can we send Sally? Are flowers OK?"

So of course I have suggestions here too. I love flowers, but I don't need 5 arrangements, and flowers are typically sent by the office, if the person works outside of the home. So if you think someone else is probably going to send flowers then skip it.

Cookiegram - a bouquet of cookies - really really good cookies
Fruit bouquet - if they are healthier and wouldn't eat the cookies, the fruit is delicious and still a wonderful display of cheer
Pajamagram - my sister sent me this, and I loved it. Remember to get the kind that opens in the front! There are even breast cancer PJ's with the word Hope on them.
Movies or DVDs - my girlfriends from work sent me 3 DVDs of Kenny Chesney :0)

And just offer to help. I didn't let people help me. But a few friends made me let them. They just showed up and wouldn't leave. LOL. But the laughter they brought me those few days after surgery were just what the doctor ordered, and helped me more then anything else.

Except maybe the cookies....mmmmm....they were good! :0)

*Sally's name has been changed to protect her private information.

10 Minute Solutions Wii Game

2010-07-24T09:34:00.003-04:00

When Shelley and I were at the bloggers conference a few months ago we had the pleasure of meeting Jessica Smith, one of the fitness leaders in the 10 minute solution dvd's. She was warm, friendly, and very excited to tell us about her new Wii game coming out this summer. Shelley and I both have a wii, so we were excited to hear about new games coming out geared more for us. Yeah! We signed up, and to be honest I forgot about it.

Well, last week I got a free copy of the new game in the mail! How exciting!!! It's called the "10 minute cardio workout for a knock out body" and it's for use on the wii (made my nintendo.)

Here is the description:

10 Minute Solution is an exercise program for use with Wii. The software offers activities and workouts involving stretches, aerobics, and sports, broken into ten-minute routines. Most exercises make use of the Wii's motion-sensitive controllers to monitor the workout, and many of the activities are compatible with the Wii Balance Board, as well. Users can customize a in-game character and set-up their own personalized routines. The game also offers diet tips and suggestions for healthy lifestyle choices. ~ T.J. Deci, All Game Guide

When you go into the game you set up a profile, which only takes a few minutes, and then you can pick from a few different workouts. Mainly, one they have already set up for you, or you can pick which moves are your favorite and then tell it to give you only those moves. For both you can pick your scene - choices are things like Venice, a beach, or a gym. And you can also pick your music. Each time you start something new the game makes you practice or listen to an instructor as he tells you how to do the moves. (You can pick him too LOL) Then once you have mastered his moves you are released to play the game, and the instruction is only enforced the first time you go into it. You can also use the balance board with this game, which makes it interesting as it measures how you duck the punches as well as how you throw the punches (you use the numb chuck also).

So I've piled up the positive remarks because now I have to admit, I really didn't love it. Now, keep in mind, I don't play wii every day. I play when I'm around people who love to play, and I hardly ever win. My favorite game, and to date the only one I am any good at is the hula hoop. :0) So I could not get this one to work for me. I was throwing punches like a lunatic and ducking like there were bombs going off in my living room, and all I got over and over was my nice young trainer telling me "oh (sigh) try again" yes, he actually sigh's! So after 10 mins of this I was so frustrated I was ready to punch the TV and throw the numb chuck out the window. So in comes Brad to my rescue. And it did work for him. But not well. He managed to get the game to register his punches, so he advanced out of the training guide portion of the game and we were able to see some more of your options. The scenes are nice, but the music wasn't that great. It was all kinda corny dentist office music. I don't know about you but if I'm punching someone I want to hear some Eminem. LOL.

But in all fairness I know that I am not a good wii player, so I am going to pass this to my niece and nephew, who play wii for several hours each day and have mastered all controls and boards and remotes. And I will get back to you with a better review of this game once they've had a chance to show there Old Aunt Jenny how you are supposed to do it.

For now I will stick with hula hooping!! :0)

What Manny taught me

2010-07-21T14:03:00.003-04:00

So yesterday I went in for my echo cardiogram, EKG, and then appointment with my oncologist. Quick update - heart is good, pumping at 65%, which is good for someone with as much chemo as I have had. I've had a lot of odd bloating, inconsistent with anything I have eaten, or the heat outside, or even my sugar levels, so they think this might be a side effect of the drug. To be sure I am to document everything very clearly each time it happens.

Now, for a little heart lesson I learned yesterday from Manny, my echo cardiogram guy. Below is a picture of what I could see on the screen when he did the test. It is a picture of what your heart looks like, the bottom parts being flaps that open and close as your heart beats. What happens then is the whole circle collapses and expands, kinda like if you make a fist then quickly hold up your hand like you are showing the number 5 on them. (Or doing a high five.) This shows how effectively the heart is pumping the blood. Mine collapses and expands symmetrically, which Manny tells me, means it's a healthy heart. When someone has a heart attack, typically one whole side of this picture "dies" and it no longer collapses and expands, leaving the other side to try and do all the work. And in effect, blood is no longer pumping efficiently. Cool eh? Big thanks to Manny!

Now I'm off to the gym to keep it pumping strong! I will say it again.......

Don't take your health for granted!

Switching it up....

2010-07-19T11:07:00.003-04:00

I typically run 3-4 times a week. And I typically run on the Mount Vernon Trail that runs by my house. The above picture is taken on one of my daily runs, beautiful isn't it? Yet I have been running the same exact route for probably 7 months. And slowly it has become boring to me. So this weekend I was at my Mom's house out in the country. I was tired, it was Sunday morning, and it was hot. There were so many reasons to skip working out. Yet I know that I feel better when I do work out, and I feel guilty and lethargic when I skip my workout. So with this as my only motivation I suggested Mom and I go to a new trail system that has just opened near her house. She was excited to go and said she would walk with her dog Hans, while I ran.

The trail is a Battlefield park, typical in Virgina, it had a trail system that lead you around all of the major battles of Winchester with very nice signage explaining where the fighting was, and what the Generals were trying to achieve. I'm not a big Civil War buff, but the trail looked nice, so I strapped on my pedometer and started running.

I was tired, I didn't want to run, it took everything in me to keep going those first 5 minutes. But then a wonderful thing happened. The cows in the pasture next to me started moo-ing very robustly and anxiously. It was so loud and funny it made me laugh and start to watch them. They were chewing and mooing and walking and enjoying there morning hay. Then I approached a really great little stream with a wooden bridge over it, as I ran over it I noticed the cat tails and beautiful wildflowers that flanked each side of the creek. I noticed the fantastic electric blue on the dragon flies flying close to the water's edge, and just up the stream a line of baby ducks swimming behind their mother. As I ran up the hill I entered a large field that had just been mowed. It smelled wonderful, and the straight lines of huge round hay bails made me smile. As I ran on I watched all of the nature around me and noticed all the things I never see on my morning "city" run at home. It was beautiful, and when I looked down at my pedometer I had gone 5 miles. I headed back to the car sweaty, and feeling great.

Running is a wonderful way to stay healthy, and feel great. But what I learned is, if it's feeling like a chore maybe it's time to mix up your route, and find a new place to run. I am inspired again to find a new route here at home and not take my same route. To see something new, and continue to explore on foot.

So don't give up, if you're not feeling it try a new route, you may be surprised at how inspiring this little change can be.

The picture below is my country run....

Relaxing....

2010-07-15T13:05:00.004-04:00

I'm a horrible relaxer. I've never been able to do it successfully. There is always something else I can think of that I "should" be doing. I never just sit. I never lay around in bed and watch TV. I can't remember taking a nap in the afternoon, or just doing absolutely nothing for more then 10 minutes.

I know this is one of my weaknesses, and I realize that it's unhealthy. So with this in my head I tried harder. Yep, I tried harder to learn how to relax. And I'm happy to say, I got better. LOL. Last week I was on vacation with my husband, niece and nephew at Smith Mountain Lake. We had beautiful weather, and a wonderful time. Instead of me organizing meals, and organizing outings, and planning each day - I just didn't. And shockingly the trip was amazing. We all ate whatever we wanted for dinner - even if it meant 4 different meals being cooked at the same time in one small kitchen (who cares?), we swam, we jet skiied, we tubed, we putt putted. I took time each morning to run or go to the Y and work out. Most mornings my niece went with me. One day when they were all going out on the boat and I didn't feel like it, I told them to go ahead and I just sat on the dock and read a book. Gasp! Never before have I done something like this. But what a difference it makes!

Instead of coming home feeling tired and drained and "needing a vacation from my vacation" I actually feel better, rested, and restored. And so I have learned late in life, that you don't have to organize everything all of the time. You don't always have to have a plan. And sometimes it's OK to say no, let the others go, and just do what you want.

Be true to yourself, and happiness will fill your life.

Lessons learned

2010-07-05T19:21:00.003-04:00

Mom is here this weekend, and she said something to me today that although I knew it was the truth, floored me. She said:

"This is the first summer in six years someone I love isn't going through chemo. I'm going to just take the summer and relax the rules and enjoy life."

Lesson learned Mom, lesson learned.

Enjoy it!

2010-07-02T16:40:00.003-04:00

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I found out on the phone and I was at home, alone. A few days later Brad and I went to meet with the oncologist. As he rattled through lots of facts about my cancer, it's size, it's stage, and my treatments Brad got pale. I asked question after question and he sat there not asking any. At the time this upset me, and I told him not to come to any of my appointments after that. I simply was not afraid, and I was focused on getting through this and getting better, and I was positive and upbeat and so were my doctors - I decided I didn't need Brad to sit there and "be bored".

This past week I learned how wrong I was on so many levels.

As I have said before my dog Jake has cancer. He lost his front leg to a large tumor, and now he has another tennis ball sized tumor on his back leg. He's still happy go lucky though, so we don't worry about it. Until two weeks ago when he started falling down. He'd be walking along and his front leg seemed to just give out and down he'd go. It just broke my heart to see this happen, so I took him to the vet. The vet looked him over and pressed here and there and lifted here and there, not saying much. Then she looked at me and asked both Jake and I to sit down. She then told me Jake had lost all of the feeling in his paws. She then said that this had happened because he had an inflamed spinal cord. She decided that she would give him pills to see if they helped, and we were to give him the pills for two weeks and stay positive that they might help. Then she lowered her eyes, and her voice, and she told me very softly that if they did not help then it was more likely that he had something pressing on his spinal cord which was causing this effect. She then went on to tell me that it was most likely and her best guess, that Jake had another tumor that was growing inside of him, that was causing this, and that he was not strong enough for another surgery to remove it.

It took everything in me not to throw up. I could hear her telling me how sorry she was, and I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes, as I was trying very hard to breathe. Jake and I thanked her and walked out to the receptionist, and she looked at me with great concern and said "Are you ok?" and I realized then and there that I had the same look on my face as Brad did that day in the oncologist office. I learned that day how much harder it is to hear someone you love has cancer.

I made it to the car before I started crying and I called Brad. He was positive the pills would work. There was no doubt in his mind, and he told me not to cry. And I realized again, how strong he is to go through this time and time again with me and with Jake. And how very wrong I was to exclude him from all of my oncology appointments. I realize now, he was not bored he was just trying not to throw up.

We are on week 2 of Jake's pills and he has improved dramatically. I am relearning each day that life is very fragile, and something you can never take for granted.

New Balance Rock & Tone

2010-06-28T14:11:00.003-04:00

So I admit, I hated the new "rollie" shoes that are out on the market, and I snickered at the women I saw wearing them. I thought they were very dorky looking, and that it was another gimmick by shoe companies to sell more shoes.

Then I tried the New Balance Rock & Tone 1442s.

Wow! OK so they aren't exactly "cool" looking, but they make up for it in comfort. Here is my best description - they are squishy! So when you walk it's like they are moving you forward, which I don't know about you but it makes me want to walk more. New Balance was nice enough to send them to me for free since I attended the Fitness Blog Conference this spring, and I've been wearing them now for 3 weeks. I've worn them on concrete, on bricks, on gravel, and in stores, and all seem very comfortable (although I did notice I kept dragging the bottom on the bricks, maybe because the sole is so much thicker?). I am extremely picky on my footwear due to my diabetes, but these shoes have proven there worth! I've had no blisters, and no leg or foot pain.

They come in many different colors on line, and sell for about $88. Not bad for a shoe that just makes you want to go for a walk. So if your looking for something to help you get out there and get moving, I suggest trying these shoes. Or if your current shoes cause you discomfort then try these out!

New Balance Rock & Tone 1442s, "Indulge your wellness".

Getting on and off track....

2010-06-24T11:13:00.005-04:00

So a few weeks ago an old friend from high school, Holly, read my WW article and wrote and asked me how I found the motivation to stick with loosing weight. And I wrote her back all these ideas about how it wasn't so bad, and to take one day at a time and ....yeah....insert positive comment from me here. LOL.

Then I went to London. And Paris. And I ate. I ate brownies from a market that melted in my mouth. I ate cheese, lots of cheese. I ate peanut butter spread on sweet "digestive" crackers. I ate nutella crepes, and french bread sammiches. I ate a lot. I exercised way less then I do at home. I went off track. Way off.

On the way back home on the plane I thought about going to the gym. But I didn't. And for the first time in a few years I realized how easy it would be to not be healthy anymore. To eat brownies, cake, peanut butter. To not go to the gym every day. To not count points anymore and to just eat whatever I wanted. To sleep in. How much fun it would be to relax and not do any of it. And for a few hours I realized that this is what Holly meant. This is where people get to and then they give up. Because you know what, food tastes good.

The first 3 days were a big struggle. I was exhausted at the gym. I had a giant piece of cake at my sisters birthday party and I wanted another one. But slowly - slowly I could feel it. As I ate better and exercised more my energy came back, I slept better, and I felt better. It has taken me a week, but I feel now I am finally back on track, dedicated again to a healthy life.

So for those of you out there who want to change but are waiting for tomorrow - take the first step now. Of course it will be hard. But it is worth it. You are worth it. Your health is worth it.

You ARE worth it.

What I learned in London....

2010-06-21T16:19:00.005-04:00

Last week I went on vacation with my nephew and husband to London and Paris. It was an amazing trip, and we had a really great time. We spent the week walking, touring, seeing the sites, and of course eating. I've been to Europe several times, so the true highlight of this trip for me was seeing it again for the first time through my nephew's eyes on his first trip overseas.

I learned several things about him on this trip, but one of the best is that we are both avid people watchers. This was so fun for me, because my husband simply is not. We were all eyes catching the crazy fashions, the crazy hair, and the outfits and styles that were "just wrong". But it didn't take long for us to be able to pick out the Americans in the crowds. Sadly, this was not because of the amazing outfits they had on, but more because most of them were fat.

This simple fact made me sad, and also made me wonder. But as we spent the week travelling around, and in and out of markets, stores, and restaurants I could see a huge difference in the USA vs. London. Portion sizes. There is no super sized in London. Sandwiches are mostly made of bread and are normal thickness - not huge hoagie rolls with 4 servings of meat and cheese. Cheese there is sold by the slice or in small packages, not huge blocks. Soda does not have free refills. Bags of candy are what we consider our "fun" size. Even the cakes were small. Birthday cakes were half the size of any sold here in the local super markets. It was shocking to me the differences. Sure they had fast food, but there didn't seem to be super sizing, or huge monster hamburgers with bacon.

Along the same lines they walk everywhere. They don't have escalators or elevators like we do in the states. (I'm not sure how handicapped people get around!) Everywhere was stairs. Lots of stairs and lots and lots of walkers. From what I understand there are very high tolls to drive into the city, which makes most Londoner's take public transportation. There isn't parking in front of the store or restaurant like we have here, so people walk everywhere.

Now, I wasn't in the suburbs in the UK so I am basing this on what I saw, and where I live here in the states and the remarkable differences. And I'm not saying everyone in London was fit, or healthly, there was a lot of smoking and a lot of drinking. But I did come back with a new realization of what a normal portion size looks like, and how much more in general I typical get served (and eat).

Think about it at your next meal, maybe even take the time to look at the box and see how many servings are included in what you are getting ready to eat. Try eating just one portion and see if you are full. If you aren't then sure have another. But if you are and if you do this just a few times a day think of all the calories you are saving....portion sizes!

Now if we could just fix some of those crazy weird London outfits! LOL.

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T08:39:00.005-04:00

I thought maybe this year things would be easier, but I still miss Dad so much it hurts. I see all of the Father's Day cards and balloons and feel sick to my stomach. I'm angry he's not here, and I'm very sad he's not here. And I'm sad there is nothing at all I can do to change that.

So here is my advise for all of you who still have your Dad's. Appreciate them. My Dad used to complain about everything, and I used to roll my eyes and wonder why he just couldn't be happy one day a year, and now, today, I would give just about anything to listen to him complain. Listen to them, talk to them, and be thankful if nothing else that they are still alive.

Secondly, take a photo of just you and Dad. Sure you can take group shots, but get one of just you and your Dad. If you are lucky enough to be a Dad take a picture with each of your kids, one at a time. As I have hunted through all of my own pictures and my Mom's I have found very very few pictures of my Dad and myself. Don't make the same mistake! It only takes a minute to snap a picture.

I wish everyone a wonderful Father's Day.

Weight Watchers Success Story

2010-06-09T16:36:00.004-04:00

For those of you who don't know I am one of this months Weight Watchers Magazine Success Stories. (The July/August Issue on stands now!) I have used the Weight Watchers On-line system since January 2007. I love it for many many reasons, but the only one that's really important is this - it works. Plain and simple, if you honestly do it, you will loose the weight, and keep it off. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone who has struggled to loose weight successfully.

So, how did this story happen? After I had lost most of my weight, my cousin Shelley approached me and told me she thought I should be a success story. I laughed at her, right in her face, and said "sure Shell", so she followed that up quickly with "if I write it will you submit it?" and I smiled and said "yup, sure!". Well folks, she did. She wrote an amazing story, and she picked out some pictures for me to include with it, so I submitted it. This was December 2008. I heard nothing, and put it out of my mind. Then four months later I got a call!

Liz, one of the magazine editors of the Weight Watchers Magazine called me and told me I had been selected as one of the success stories to appear the the magazine in 2010. She invited me to New York City the following week for a photo shoot. Yikes! I was sent a list of clothes to bring with me, undergarments to wear, and shoes and jewelry to have on.

Brad came with me to NYC, but I wouldn't let him come to the actual photo shoot. It was held in a flat in the middle of NYC near Times Square. I had a stylist who dressed me, as well as a make up artist. Fun! The day was incredibly fun. There were 6 of us "Success Stories" there at the same time, and it was fun to hear everyone stories and best tips. I was interviewed on video tape, photographed in a casual outfit, and photographed in a dressy outfit. Then we all changed back into our own clothes and walked down to the Weight Watchers Magazine HQ in NYC. We met everyone on the floor and got a complete tour. After the tour we sat down with the editors and VP's of Weight Watchers Magazine and Weight Watchers On-line for a brain storming session. What did we like? What did we hate? What was useful? What could they add? How could they make it better? It was so much fun to be a part of these discussions!

The Weight Watchers team also called me back in this past spring for auditions in a TV commercial. I went for two video taping but didn't make the final cut. :0) Which is probably good for all of us.

The Weight Watchers Experience is something I will never forget for the rest of my life. It's something I've done that I never dreamed possible, and something that pushes me to keep the weight off. A million thank yous to Shelley for believing in me. And a million thank yous to Weight Watchers for the amazing experience. These pictures are all from the shoot and the WW HQ tour.

Try it, it works.

Race for the Cure

2010-06-03T11:31:00.003-04:00

Every year for the past 6 years my Mom and I have walked the Susan Komen National Race for the Cure in Washington DC. For the past 4 years Jill and Katie have joined us, and it's becoming our "girls" event. Every year I look forward to this weekend and what has become our tradition.

If you've never done this race, it's really one of the most inspirational and emotional races I've ever done. Just the number of people alone is remarkable. Last year there were 45,000 participants. But what is even more remarkable is the number of pink shirts. For this race you get a white shirt, unless you are a survivor, then you get a pink shirt. Looking out over the crowds of people lining up it is overwhelming the number of pink shirts. Everyone there has somehow been effected by breast cancer, and everyone there is hopeful that more progress is made.

There is a lot of media saying fundraising from these events doesn't make a difference, but I disagree. In my Virginia Tech College of Science magazine I received last month there was an article on how the Komen foundation gave a large grant for breast cancer research to Tech. Up to 75 percent of the funds raised by the Global Race for the Cure stays in the D.C. Metro Area to fund breast health education and breast health screening and treatment projects. Of all of the races people do, people seem to have at least heard of Susan Komen and the Race for the Cure. Even if she just gets the 45,000 participants to do regular self breast checks, then that's a huge accomplishment in my eyes.

I am enough of an optimist to hope that the money raised, while it might not help me or my Mom, will hopefully, keep Katie forever in the white shirt.

Gettin' off the sidelines

2010-06-01T09:48:00.005-04:00

Brad and I started dating when we were 18 years old. He was a cross country runner in high school, and really seemed to enjoy running, so it was something he continued to do when he could. When we were married, and working, I would go to the gym but he would always prefer going for a run, and he loved to run in races. So I would go and watch and cheer him on. Race after race I would stand and cheer and clap for runners, secretly looking at each woman that went by thinking "her butt is bigger then mine" or "she is at least two sizes bigger then me" or "her thigh's are rubbing more then mine do". For years I was a sideline cheer leader, always saying running was not for me. I was the one holding all the stuff while everyone else was participating.

This past week Brad and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. And this weekend we stayed home, and enjoyed a wonderful weekend. Saturday we ran 8 miles into Rock Creek Park with Brad's friends, Sunday we rode our bikes 45 miles on the C&O Canal and yesterday we ran into Georgetown, another 6 miles. And today I feel fantastic, I am not tired, I am not sore, nothing hurts. When I realized this a few minutes ago I realized how far I have come in those 14 years.

When I started running I hated it. I was slow, it hurt, and my god it was HARD. My first 5K I ran in I think 44 minutes. But each time I ran it got better, and as I got faster and was able to go farther running brought me more pride then anything I did at the gym. Now when I run it's not nearly as hard, it's a comfortable challenge, but instead of hating it I look forward to it, and I enjoy it. I love being able to participate. I am in love with being fit enough to do just about anything I want to. I can join in. I am not the fastest or the best, but I am also not the slowest. For the first time in my life I am no longer on the sidelines, but in the race. Now I'm behind that girl, looking at her butt thinking "her butt is bigger then mine" then I push myself to stand up straighter and run past her. :0)

So to all of you out there on the sidelines, feel free to look at my butt when I run by and feel free to yell out that yours is smaller then mine, but then join me. Because it so much more fun to participate in life.

Measure Up Bowls

2010-05-28T09:56:00.004-04:00

I am proof that you can gain weight by eating too much healthy food. If you eat too many calories of anything you will still get fat, this is science, plain and simple.

I learned this the hard way of course. :0) When I first started dieting and eating better I traded desserts for a high fiber cereal after dinner. I was being healthy! And it still gave me the sweet fix I wanted at the end of the meal. But I didn't loose any weight. And so one day I realized, one serving of cereal was 3/4 cup, and I was eating at least 2 cups of cereal! Problem solved!

Well, not really.....you see, I'm just too lazy to measure my food. I am the queen of buying single serving sizes, even if they are more expensive. I know that I will eat more then one serving if I don't, and I know I wont measure the food. So instead I stopped buying cereal. Until now....

Last week I read in Health magazine about these "Measure Up Bowls". They are nice looking, pretty bowls, that have measurements on the insides of them. So you don't have to measure and then transfer to another bowl to eat. They are microwave and dishwasher safe. And they are cute! I ordered one the next day and it came in the mail on Tuesday. ($20) I love these bowls. It's so much easier to just put something in the bowl and not have to guess about the size of the portion, it's right there. And the markings are discreet, so you could use it when you have guests over and most wouldn't know the difference, but you could still stop at 2 cups of chili, instead of 4. What a great concept! I actually bought a large container of cottage cheese and dished it into the 1/2 cup mark. This is a fantastic new discovery for anyone who struggles with portion sizes. Here is the link if you want to get more information, I might have to get a whole set. :0)

http://shopmeasureupbowl.com/category.sc?categoryId=2

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to go have some cereal in my new bowl!

Junk Food talks to me.....

2010-05-25T15:16:00.004-04:00

So this past weekend I was dog sitting for a girlfriend. Since I live in a small townhouse in the city with no yard, I decided it would be easier to sit at her house, so Saturday morning Brad, Jake and I moved in for a few days. She has a great place, very homey, very comfortable, and I was happy to have a few days with a different place to enjoy. Until I saw the candy bowl. On the kitchen table was a giant Halloween size candy bowl full to the rim of bite size snickers, milky way and Reece's. Wait it gets worse...on the counter was a jar of peanut butter, there was another one in the fridge. Across the kitchen on the other counter was a container of sponge cake with a giant container of icing sitting on top of it. Everywhere I looked there was more. The bread drawer had at least 10 dark chocolate bars, along with some Debbie cakes and a kit kat. The freezer had ice cream, and giant slices of cake. I looked at Brad with panic across my face "We can't stay here! I can't do this!"

Junk food calls to me. Peanut butter calls my name, so does icing, and those little tiny cute chocolate bars in there little wrappers sing like in a chorus "Jenny....ohhhhh Jenny, we are here! We love you and we would taste sooooo good!" The only way I can be successful as a dieter is to not have any of these items in my house. When people come over for dinner or the weekend I make them take it home with them, and if they wont I immediately throw it away when they leave. If someone makes me take something home with me, I will throw it away before I get tempted to eat it all. Sometimes I will make Brad stop at a gas station on the way home so I can throw it away. I never take boxes home from a restaurant. So this is me admitting I have no secret "will power" where I can pass it up, I just have my own crazy ways of removing it from my life. But I have learned, that you figure out a way that works for you, and crazy as it may be you do it. I would rather enjoy one giant piece of great cake and eat every bite once a month, then snack on a bite size milky way or two every day. I can't eat just one and leave the rest, it sings to me till I eat them all. :0)

So what did I do at my dog sitting house? I taped the peanut butter jars shut with packing tape. I hid the giant candy bowl up high enough that I couldn't reach it, and didn't see it. I hid the frozen cake at the bottom of the freezer. And I took tinfoil and completely covered the whole bread drawer. A few times over the weekend the peanut butter calling me almost won me over, but I'm happy to say I made it without eating any of it. And now, today, I am back in the safe haven of my house which has no junk food calling my name.

Everyone is different. Robin can pass that candy bowl 14 times a day and never reach in. Louise can eat one section of a candy bar, or two bites of cake and leave the rest. It doesn't really matter how you stop eating the junk, it only matters that you do stop eating it.

Diabetes Advocate - Tour de Cure

2010-05-22T10:26:00.005-04:00

This summer I have signed up to ride in the ADA Tour de Cure, to help raise money for diabetes research. I joined the "Red Riders" team, which is a team of local diabetics. This week the lead for the Washington DC area wrote to me and asked me to write my story to be published in her monthly Diabetes Advocate Newsletter. I am both excited and honored! :0) Here is what I've submitted....enjoy!

When I was 6 years old, I dreamt of lakes—giant lakes that stretched as far as the eye could see, of beautiful clean, crisp water. In my dreams I would walk over to the lake, put my face down to it, and drink the entire lake. I would see the boats get lower and lower, and yet I would keep drinking.

That was 30 years ago. To say I was thirsty is an understatement. I dreamt of drinking more than anything else. I thought about it constantly. I would drink until my stomach was upset, and still be thirsty. Then in a snowstorm in 1979 my concerned parents took me to the doctor. I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and was immediately placed on insulin. For the first time I could remember I wasn’t thirsty. I didn’t dream of drinking lakes.

I grew up before there were blood testing meters, before A1c testing, before nutritional information was available on foods, and before NutraSweet. I was the kid who went trick or treating, but wasn’t allowed to eat the candy. I was the kid who couldn’t drink the Gatorade at halftime during soccer games. I was different. But being different, being healthy and monitoring my diabetes, whether it was done by my parents when I was young, or myself later in life, is what has kept me alive. It has also kept me from having any number of diabetic side effects like blindness, heart attack, stroke, or neuropathy.

Recently I have discovered and experienced a new range of diabetic side effects while I have gone through surgery, extensive chemotherapy, and radiation in my battle with breast cancer. I have struggled with severe lows, as well as extreme highs as I went on and off the steroids involved with chemo. It was during this period that I realized two things: first, there is not enough help and support out there for diabetics, and second, you are responsible for your own health—only you can control your actions. So, I vowed to help give back, to share my story, and offer advice to anyone going through a similar situation, as well to never live another day taking my health for granted.

I have fought all of my life to prove to everyone that diabetics can do anything non-diabetics can do. I have not let my disease stop me from living my life; in fact I have used it to propel me into living life more fully. I have hiked through Tuscany, biked the entire C&O Canal and have gone skydiving, and snorkeling. I have run a half marathon with my tester in my back pocket, and walked 39 miles for Breast Cancer research. It is with this passion that I look forward to the Tour de Cure 100K ride in June.

I have lived with Type 1 diabetes since I was 6 years old. I have lived through the advancements in new insulin types, smaller and less painful syringes, and the invention of blood testing meters. The advancements that have been made in 30 years are remarkable and inspiring. I am riding in the Tour de Cure this year in the hopes that this progress continues.

Icing....what not to do

2010-05-19T10:31:00.004-04:00

I have always loved icing. It's my favorite thing. And not that fluffy cool whip stuff, real "lard" icing, with nothing in it, no nuts, no coconut, just plain soft creamy icing.....mmmmmm.....

Growing up a diabetic, icing was hardly ever allowed. Which, you know, makes it even more appealing. Much, much, later in life I have learned that you can allow "bad" things, in moderation. And even after I figured this out I figured out you can just eat what you like - meaning you don't have to eat the cake, you can just eat the icing. So these days, when I want a special dessert, I get the cake with creamy white icing, and I eat the icing and throw out the cake. If I'm lucky I get the corner piece. If I'm really lucky it's a Price Club cake with the giant roses of icing, and I get a corner with a rose. Heaven!

The day of my breast cancer surgery everyone wanted to bring me food. I didn't want any of it, but one thing. I asked my Mom to make me her icing, which is really my favorite. She thought it was odd, but she said ok. After my surgery she handed Brad a small cooler. Inside was a sandwich size container, when I took off the lid there was a full container of yummy creamy white icing. Written in beautiful pink letters across the bed of icing it said "Feel better Soon Jenny!" and it had pink flowers made of icing along the sides. Mom had decorated the icing with more icing. Perfect! I took out a spoon and ate it all and loved every bite.

Now, on a normal day this would have been ok, I could have taken extra insulin and life would have gone on, not much different then a Thanksgiving dinner. But this wasn't a normal day. The anesthesiologist had me not take my N's (long acting insulin), which I know now I should never do. The long lasting insulin is my baseline, and keeps me more like a normal human even with no food, so without it my sugar levels were way too high. That evening they kept climbing, 300, 400, 500. I kept taking fast acting insulin 20 units at a time (which is alot of insulin!) and it just kept climbing. I was scared. Brad was scared. We set the clock and got up to test and take more insulin every hour. Finally about 3am my next dose of N's which I had taken at bedtime started working and it finally started to come down. The next day I was more near normal numbers.

I did talk to my doctor about this and he explained to me how important N's are. He made me promise to never not take them again, and furthermore if anyone told me not to take them to make sure either they called him or I called him. He told me the fast acting insulin cannot work fast enough to bring levels down that are consistently that high. They work for food because food is digested, released into your system and then "wear off". But you cannot skip your long acting insulin dosage. Take it late if you have to, but never skip it.

So the lesson is not don't eat icing. Hee Hee. :0) The lesson is - you are responsible for your body, you are responsible for knowing what you are doing and why, and you are responsible for asking questions from your doctors. The doctors were not with us at 3am when my sugar was over 550. Educate yourself, know what to do........your health is your responsibility, no one else's.

Collect something

2010-05-13T10:10:00.006-04:00

My tip for today has nothing to do with physical health or food or exercise, it's more a mental health tip. Collect something.

When I was little my Mom and her Mom encouraged both my sister and me to collect something that was free. Jill collected place mats (restaurants used to use paper place mats on the tables) and I collected napkins. :0) Yes, ok, I can hear you laughing from here, but it was fun and I learned so much.

My collection grew to several hundred napkins. I have them from every restaurant you could think of, as well as party napkins, holiday napkins, and even from airlines. My grandmother brought me napkins from her travels to London, Germany, and France. My parents brought them back from Mexico, and the west coast. I can remember carrying them back with me from outings with my family, excited to add another one to my collection. LOL. But it taught me to notice the small things in life. Napkins are free, yet my collection brings me as much joy as someone else's highly valuable collection.

Yes, ok, I said brings. I still have it. :0) This is why I write this today. As most of you know I have downsized my living arrangement dramatically, and therefore I am trying to simplify. When I noticed the giant box marked "Napkin Collection" in storage a few weeks ago I felt bad for keeping it, but I just could not throw it away. So, we are using it! Maybe one of my best ideas, slowly Brad and I are working our way through years of memories as we use the napkins. Last night at dinner we had some pretty flowered party napkins, this morning's breakfast was dog's drinking martini's. It's fun, and it's a great way to relive some of my childhood memories. And think of all of the money I am saving not having to buy napkins!

Now I'm off to have some lunch, with a nice 25th Anniversary napkin from a 1976 party for Max and Edith. It's purple with silver writing. :0)

Collect something!

A Mother's Day Tribute

2010-05-10T19:41:00.008-04:00

I am forever shocked by people who tell me I inspire them, my response is usually "then you should meet my Mom!"

Mom was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000. She underwent surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. She, unlike me, got very very nauseous and sick with each chemo session. Most days she barley had enough energy to get out of bed. Dad got her through. He helped her as much as possible, and softly coached her to get out of bed each day with different promises, a beautiful sunrise, a ride in the convertible, the first glimpse of a jukebox he had finished restoring. Little by little he gave her the courage to get through each day.

Three years later she got the chance to repay him. The roles reversed and it was Mom encouraging Dad to get out of bed to see the sunrise, go for a ride in the '57 Chevy, or go get a banana split. She did this through 3 solid years of his chemo. She was his biggest fan, his nurse, his love, his cook, and his partner in life. My parents have a love that I have never seen duplicated. They lived through both good and bad times, and each day the love they had for each other seemed to grow deeper.

Mom's cancer came back in 2007. This time she would have to endure a painful surgery that removed skin off of her back to help reconstruct the full mastectomy they were going to do. Dad had chemo the day before, but he was determined to be there for her, so I had planned to go and sit with him, to make sure he was ok. Two hours before her surgery I got the call that I had cancer. I sat with Dad that day and never mentioned it. Mom made it through the surgery and was kept at the hospital for 3 days. She hated to be away from Dad for that many days and fought with them to get them to release her sooner. She was home that Sunday, and Brad and I rode out to help her get settled. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was tell both my parents, who were also going through cancer treatments of there own, that I too, had cancer.

A few weeks later I had my surgery, Dad was too weak to come to the hospital, so my girlfriend Melissa drove down from New York, picked up Mom and drove her up to the hospital to be with me. Mom was there for my surgery, and even brought me food and treats for after. She was there with Brad supporting him while they all waited. A few weeks later, still with stitches from her own surgery, numerous appointments for her own treatments and her daughter preparing for chemotherapy, the love of her life lost his battle. This is when I knew my Mom had guts. This is where she taught me that sheer will, determination, and faith can and will get you through anything.

The next few months were a living hell for her. She still had treatments, she was in immense pain, and she had lost the most important person in her life. Yet she remained positive most days, she worked at keeping it all together, and she showed up for life. She taught me so much in life, but the way she was able to endure having cancer, loosing her husband, and still was able to be there for me as a Mom taught me how tuff she was.

In the past year Mom has really impressed me with everything she's taken on. She's travelled both internationally and domestically. She's gotten into great shape and shed pounds by joining a gym and changing her eating habits. She's lowered her cholesterol and her blood pressure by eating better. She is healthy and positive, volunteers at church and in her community and has emense hope and faith for her future.

My Mom is tuff as nails, my Mom is my hero.

My love for Bret Michaels....

2010-05-06T17:10:00.003-04:00

Did you know, Bret Michaels was only six years old when he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes? For those of you who don't know him, he's a twenty-year veteran of the rock and roll scene as the lead singer of the eighties band "Poison", he's also on The Celebrity Apprentice.

I was a teenager in the 1980's when Poison was at it's most popular, and I was in love with Bret Michaels. I still am. He is one of the diabetics in the world that has proven that this disease does not have to limit you in life. You can reach and fulfill your dreams. I think this quote from Diabetes Health Magazine says it best:

But in spite of his raunchy public style and rocker persona, there's a deep undercurrent of mature common sense when it comes to his life with diabetes. Diabetes Health August, 2007

Bret has given many interviews about his diabetes care. He takes the same type's of insulin as I do, and also like me takes 3-4 shots a day. He tests his sugar 4-5 times a day, and uses glucose tablets to treat lows. The band has deliberately built two breaks into the show, a guitar solo and a drum solo, just so that Bret can go to the dressing room under the stage and check his blood sugar. Even after late concert nights he gets up the next morning by 9am to take his insulin, eat breakfast, and exercise. He works hard to keep his diabetes in control. But he goes further then that, he more then any other diabetic celebrity I know really advocates for diabetes, I read this recently about his new show, The Celebrity Apprentice:

Bret's contract mandates that the reality show clearly acknowledge his diabetes. It was very important to him to convey the fact that he has survived well with it for a long time. Obviously, how much of his daily life with diabetes is portrayed will depend upon how the show is edited. During the filming, however, he explained diabetes to all the women, and he tested his blood sugar and injected his insulin in front of them.

I was very sad to read about his latest hospital visit, but it seems that his sheer will is going to once again pull him through. He is a hero to so many of us diabetics, giving us the push we need to reach for our dreams. I will leave you with this quote from him:

"Look at diabetes as a blessing in this way: If you deal with it right, it will give you total awareness of your body and what your limitations are, what you can and can't do. It may actually be an advantage, because it made me self-reliant at a young age and put me ahead of the game. It made me a non-self-pitying kid. When I wanted something, it was all about going for it, just like Jack Lambert. He always willed his team to win the game, and we got four Superbowl's out of it. I can do it; you can do it - let's rock." Diabetes Health, August 2007

And you thought he was just pretty.......

Learning not to take it for granted

2010-05-04T11:23:00.004-04:00

A few months ago I started tutoring ESL freshmen at my local high school. I go weekly and help them out with physic's and math, or anything they need help with. It's extremely enriching for me, and these kids continue to inspire me to work harder and live more. Yesterday though, yesterday I was blown away.

I was asked to help two girls with an essay they had to write, both of them on wars that had taken place in there home countries. I'm thinking World War II kind of report, until I start researching with them what they are writing about, and I see that the war in Guatemala was not over until 1996, a 36 year war that killed hundreds of thousands of people and left the country in extreme poverty. My second student was from Guinea. She was writing about the war in her country, and I could see the sadness in her face. One of the ESL teachers sitting behind us asked her if she would rather write about her experience with the war. What she said next I will never forget.

"It was so bad you didn't worry about things like eating or drinking, you were only trying to stay alive. My family tried to stay together and we constantly hid, if you even tried to walk outside you would be shot, I witnessed so many people being shot. Guns and explosions were everywhere, and there was so little food. Most of the time there was nothing to do but hide quietly in the dark and wait until we could move again. Eventually we escaped, we moved constantly to try and stay alive, but we did not feel safe until we made it to America."

Until that moment I had always taken my personal safety for granted. I have never had to worry about being shot. This girl was 14 years old. To say she has inspired me is an understatement. Never again will I take for granted my safety or the people that help keep it that way. Each time I walk outside I will remember to be thankful for the ability to go for a walk outside, to choose where I want to work, and to buy products that I want to buy. We really have so many freedoms in the USA, freedoms that most of us take for granted each day.

God Bless America, and may God help all of the children still in war areas fighting for their lives.

"Mom, how did you know I had diabetes?"

2010-05-01T07:55:00.007-04:00

"Mom, how did you know I had diabetes?"

"OH Jenny, it was awful, you had no energy at all. You would just sit and be so very tired. You didn't even want to walk across the back yard to go play with the Perote girls. So we made an appointment for you to go to the doctor, and that day we had a huge snowstorm and I couldn't get the car out. So I called your Dad at work, and a lady working with him in the office told him "You go, you take her, something is wrong" and so he came home and took us to the doctor and then to the hospital."

"And you saw a difference once I came home?"

Smiles.."are you kidding? you never stopped! you ran all the way around the block to the front door of the Perote's house! You rode your bike, you played basketball, you had so much energy! I don't think you've stopped since!"

The picture above is me a few months before I was diagnosed. To say I was a chubby girl would not be a lie. :0) This is me a few months later, after being diagnosed and being put on insulin:

It wasn't a diet, it was simply fixing the body. Insulin is a hormone produced by the beta cells within the pancreas. When the beta cells detect that food has been eaten, the cells release insulin into the bloodstream. Insulin triggers the body's cells to allow glucose to enter them. The body's cells need insulin for energy. If glucose isn't helped by insulin, the body's cells starve and begin to break down fat to get energy. (ehow.com) My body stopped producing insulin, so it was starving my cells, and I had no energy. Once we manually put insulin back in my body, this system worked again, and I had energy.

Not every one's symptoms will be the same, but in general you will not feel your best if you have undiagnosed diabetes. Listen to your body. Mothers and Fathers, watch your children, notice drastic changes in both weight and energy levels. Go to the doctor and get tested.

I have never met that woman who worked in my Dad's office that told him to take me to the doctor in the snowstorm. But I am grateful to her for voicing her opinion that day, and to my parents for being observant.

The Centers for Disease Control report that diabetes is ranked as one of the leading chronic illnesses for younger children and teens. Approximately 151,000 children and youths 20 years of age and younger have the disease.

Be informed, be aware, and take action. Life is too short to take it for granted.

"I don't need to test my sugar, I can feel what it is"

2010-04-27T11:44:00.003-04:00

This picture was taken of me and Dad in our kitchen, right around the time I was diagnosed with diabetes. Back in 1981 there were no blood testers for diabetics. If I had to pick the best new development I've seen in diabetes care it might have to be the blood testing device.

So what did you do before you could test your sugar with a finger stick? You peed in a dixie cup, twice a day, and then dunked a piece of testing tape into it, measuring the color green it turned on a chart. You were hoping for yellow, yellow was good, if there was green then you had to get out the dropper and also test against a large white pill (to test for ketones). When I was this age until I was in high school this is what I had to do, twice a day. This process actually measured sugar that was in your urine, that had already gone through the kidneys. Meaning, when the tape turned green, my sugar had already been high for a few hours. This was also before fast acting insulin, and sliding scales, so there wasn't much you could do to effectively treat high levels yourself, you just knew why you didn't feel so good. LOL. Needless to say by the time I was in junior high I had pretty much stopped testing. I thought I could "feel" what my sugar levels were, and I didn't need to test.

This attitude stayed with me till I graduated college. By then meters were widely available, and I had one, but I still didn't test very often, and my sugar levels at the doctor proved that I really couldn't "feel" what my levels were very effectively. When I got out of college I got a new doctor and she kicked my butt. She changed my insulin, she yelled, she changed my number of injections, and she yelled more. :0) But she scared me enough to get me to test my sugar. And the more I tested the more I saw I couldn't really feel what my sugar levels were. And now, after having the disease for 30 years I have even less feeling for what my levels are. Sure I can feel when they are 50 and I can feel when they are 450, which happens more then I'd like to admit, but the difference between 105 and 150? I can't feel that, and I seriously doubt anyone can. So I test.

These days I test about 4 times a day, sometimes more. I have a tester in my kitchen, in my purse, and in my car. I'm thinking of getting another one for my bedroom. All of them are the same meter - One Touch Ultra. Which is, by far, the best meter I have found on the market. It gives readings in 5 seconds, and it's small. I can carry it in my pocket on a run, I can carry it in a backpack hiking, and I can use it anywhere - even afloat in my kayak. It will freeze (in my pocket in New Hampshire at -3 degrees this past winter it actually froze and wouldn't work) but other then that it's very dependable and easy to use.

Of course testing isn't fun. It does make your fingers sore (always prick the sides of your fingers to help with this) and sometimes it's just a hassle, but don't kid yourself, by not testing you are hurting yourself. Both low and high blood sugars are dangerous and can effect your heart. Is it really worth the risk for 5 seconds of your life?

Testing my blood sugar has by far been the best improvement in my diabetes care in my lifetime. I can now keep my levels closer to optimal levels, which has been proven to greatly reduce side effects. If you are of the mindset that you can "feel" what your sugar levels are, I strongly urge you to test anyway, and test often.

It's 5 seconds of your life, it's worth it!

It's ok to not finish it....

2010-04-24T12:31:00.007-04:00

I got an email from my Mom this week that said:

"I made an apple cake today because the picture on the recipe looked so wonderful, but it wasn't that great. I thought of you and thought Jenny would tell me it's not worth it, so I threw it away. Thank you!!!!!"

This was one of the hardest things for me to learn, how to not finish my plate. I was raised to clean my plate, in fact we would always be pushed to finish all the food in the serving dishes "so the sun will shine tomorrow!", one of my Mom's favorite sayings. It wasn't until recently that I figured out you don't have to eat things you don't want, this includes foods that aren't as good tasting as they look, as well as things that just aren't your favorites. And you don't have to eat it all. You don't even have to take the rest home. You can skip things you don't like, and you CAN waste food.

I can go out to eat now and not eat something if it's not that great. I can leave the fries on my plate and skip the chips altogether. I can not eat the bread or the appetizer. I can order something I do enjoy and then only eat some of it. And then pay for it and leave. I don't take doggie bags, and I don't freeze a bunch of unhealthy left overs for later. I keep most unhealthy foods out of my house. This philosophy has helped me become a healthier person.

Everyone has a favorite food. Brad's is potato chips and jelly belly's. He also loves bread. My favorites are peanut butter and icing. I can take a pass on most restaurant foods. I don't crave pizza or pasta. I could care a less about burgers and fries. So what I have found to work for me is to eat healthy most of the time, and then splurge occasionally on what I really love. This means for my birthday I didn't go out to dinner. Instead Brad bought me my favorite Price Club white cake with white icing with the giant icing roses, and that was my breakfast lunch and dinner on my birthday. And it was perfect. I ate giant pieces and then we threw the rest away at the end of the day. Every year at Christmas I look forward to my stocking stuffer - one jar of peanut butter. I immediately take out the long iced tea spoon and open the jar. I eat it directly from the jar, and I eat the whole jar typically in one or two days. :0)

It would be better for me if I could learn how to not eat a whole jar of peanut butter or a giant piece of cake. And one day I will. But for now, what has worked for me is to stand my ground on not eating a bunch of unhealthy food that I really don't like. It's still hard for me to buy a cupcake and throw it away if it's no good. But I'm getting better. Each day I figure new things out that work for me, and slowly one day at a time I am finding my way to healthy happiness. Until then I look forward to giant pieces of cake and jars of peanut butter a few times a year, and that keeps me on track eating good and working out most days of the week.

Now, if I could only figure out how to make peanut butter icing........

Add to your chemo toolbelt: Quinine Water

2010-04-22T13:44:00.002-04:00

So everyone knows you loose your hair with chemo. Most people think you throw up a lot, although the drugs they have these days make this not true (I never threw up). One of the bigger side effects that isn't heard a lot, but that is very common is bloating. Serious 5-10 pound bloating.
Dad had a lot of problems with bloating. When I would talk to him he would talk about his ankles and feet being so big he couldn't get shoes on. When I was on chemo this side effect hit me hard. It is literally like you gain 7-10 pounds in 2 days. It hurts your skin. Your skin feels extremely tight and it's hard to bend your joints. It's extremely uncomfortable physically as well as mentally. I hated going out when I was this bloated because I assumed everyone saw the 10 pound gain exactly like I did and assumed I had pigged out on a bunch of food and gained weight. It hurt to move. It felt like my skin would split. The only thing I found that helped, was the only thing Dad also found that helped: quinine water.
Quinine water, if you've never had it, tastes like crap. But if you can manage to gulp down 8-10 oz per day during chemo it will dramatically reduce the amount of bloating you will have to endure. Once I started drinking the quinine water my bloating went down to only being in my lower legs and ankles - which still hurt to walk, but overall was easier to deal with.
Bloating is a serious side effect that most people don't pay attention to. At the end of Dad's struggle his legs got to be so bloated the skin split open. This image is still ingrained in my memory, and it's why I write this blog today. I don't have proof that it will help everyone with every type of bloating, but if you have this issue, try the quinine water.

Breathe Deep

2010-04-19T11:41:00.004-04:00

When I was a kid my parents would take us to see the Flying Circus in Bealton, Virginia each year. We'd go Saturday and my Dad would compete in the Model Airplane events and then we'd camp and stay till the show on Sunday. The show ignited my love of flying. It's a show of older bi-planes and a Piper Cub, doing stunts, rolls, fly by's - and the best part - with a guy strapped to the top wing. When I was a kid my goal was to become that man. :0) After the show they gave rides in the planes, and every year I heard "Maybe next year kiddo". So when I graduated high school Dad took me aside and told me his present to me was to take me on that ride at the Flying Circus.
And then life happened. I went to college, I got married, working...life. And I never went. Every few years Dad would bring it up, and I would say "OH yes! I need to do that!" One afternoon a few months before he died Dad and I had a talk about breathing. And how people forget to breathe when they get scared. And he told me this is why alot of people get sick on airplanes and roller coasters, because "they just don't breathe". It's something I had never really thought about, but for some reason it stuck in my head.
A few months later I woke up to a bright warm beautiful Sunday. My house was 30 miles from Bealton. And right then I decided that day was going to be the day. I made Brad go with me to take pictures. We drove out, and I signed up for the aeronautical flight.
What happened next was one of the best experiences of my life. We flew in an open cockpit biplane - which was a thrill in itself. But we did rolls, spins, fly by's upside down loops to the point I didn't know which way was up or down. I was disoriented, confused, and scared. And then Dad's voice came in my head "they just don't breathe" and so I did. I took long deep breaths and I stared at the instrument panel in front of me. In a few minutes I felt fine and went on to land and complete a wonderful experience. As soon as I got out of the plane I called Dad and told him, he was so excited to hear I had done it.
A half a year later when I started my journey with cancer Dad's lesson became even more important to me. I've had just about every test there is. Some hurt, some don't, but the ones that get me are the ones that hurt while you are confined inside a machine. This is where I would hear Dad's voice again telling me to breathe. And each time it worked, and it got me thru. And now I use it every day. When I exercise and I am pushing myself up the hill in a long run, when I am upset and stuck in traffic, when I am scared or anxious, when I am stressed....I stop and just breathe.
Life is hard sometimes, scary sometimes......but you can make it thru.....just breathe.....

True or False: Running effects both the physical and emotional state of the body....

2010-04-15T10:24:00.006-04:00

This month I have started tutoring high school freshman at my local school. Typically I am helping with physic's and math, but this past week a young girl asked me to help her with some health class homework. Her class was studying exercise and it's effect on the body. When we got to the above question I asked her what she thought, and without hesitation she said "False!" and moved on to the next question. And I just had to stop her and disagree, she was so surprised to hear how exercise can release stress, motivate you, clear your mind, and make you happier and more positive.
When I started chemo I had been running about 2 times a week for approximately 3 miles. And to be honest I hated it. It was hard, and boring. But this all changed with chemo. Chemo leaves you in a state of tired that no amount of sleep brings you out of. You are walking around like the living dead. Along with that for the 3 days around your treatment you are completely hopped up on steroids that you cannot sit still, let alone rest. So, to cope, I started running. Running quickly became my vise. When I got outside, I could feel the blood pumping thru my veins. In my head I could feel the chemo moving thru my blood, killing the cancer. When I sweat, I smelled of chemo. All of this made me angry, and so I ran thru the anger. The anger pushed me farther, and faster. I was angry that I had cancer. I was angry that I had lost my Dad. I was angry that my Mom had cancer. I was angry at the people who kept telling me I looked great with no hair. I was angry at the people who tried to help me, and angry at the people who didn't seem to be helping. Yet if you were close to me during this time you probably never saw me very angry. Running fixed it. Running made it better. Running made me feel alive. I was so Happy to see a sunrise, hear a bird sing, see a flower bloom. Happy to have the chance to live another day, to fight another fight, and happy to be alive. Sadly, the answer to her question was False. But she left that day with a new perspective on how running can effect your emotional well being. Anyone who runs already knows this. Running still makes it better. Two years later I am still running, and I still run to see the beautiful sunrise to make me feel grateful to live another day, happy to be alive.

I run because I can. I am still alive.

These pictures were taken in December 2007, during chemo for a Reindeer Run I did with Brad.

The ticker is ticking....differently

2010-04-13T16:03:00.002-04:00

So quick update on the drug trial. Yesterday I had my next set of EKG and Echocardiogram. The Echo was fine, but apparently my EKG came back with new developments. From what I understand the EKG measures the electronic pulses that the heart sends out, and mine has changed some so that the end of the heart beat has a different little kick in it. So this means another EKG to make sure it wasn't the machine, or me scratching my leg during the testing. :0) In general they think everything is fine.
Today at the appointment they took more blood to measure my liver function (a known side effect of the drug) as well as gave me a full physical. So far I haven't seen any side effects.

Wear a hat, put sunscreen on, protect your skin!

2010-04-09T11:58:00.004-04:00

This weekend would have been Dad's birthday. And as the day's warm up and I see so many people outside, I think it's a good time for a friendly reminder that melanoma cancer is real, you are at risk for it, and it can kill you.
Dad grew up in an age before there was sunscreen. He loved to be outdoors, whether in a convertible, flying a model airplane, fishing, golfing, or just working on one of his projects - he was an outdoors kind of man. His first battle with melanoma was in 1996 when it was discovered on his ear. He had most of his ear taken off in surgery and underwent radiation therapy. The cancer then seemed to disappear for 9 years, but then returned as metastatic melanoma in his liver. This cancer took his life only a few years after it was discovered. I still miss him every day, especially this week.
Although I cannot bring my Dad back, I can help spread the word about melanoma cancer, and how you can try to avoid it. These tips are from the American Cancer Society:
1. Avoid exposure to the midday sun (from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.) whenever possible. When your shadow is shorter than you are, remember to protect yourself from the sun.
2.If you must be outside, wear long sleeves, long pants, and a hat with a wide brim.
3. Protect yourself from UV radiation that can penetrate light clothing, windshields, and windows.
4. Help protect your skin by using a lotion, cream, or gel that contains sunscreen. The higher the SPF, the more sunburn protection is provided.
5. Wear sunglasses. Sunglasses can protect both the eyes and the skin around the eyes.

Remember to check your skin monthly for moles or changes in your skin. Do not delay seeing a doctor. Check yourself and check your loved ones.
It could save a life!

My sugar is low I need a snickers!

2010-04-07T09:48:00.003-04:00

I used to work with a lady, who did not have diabetes, that would yell out a few times a month that her sugar was super low and she HAD to have a snickers bar. LOL. When your sugar is low, your body tells you to eat. And eat. And eat. It's a defense mechanism, and before blood testing home kits probably saved many lives. But now we know differently.
There are two hard and fast rules. It takes 15 grams of glucose and 15 mins to treat hypoglycemia. That's it. Fast acting glucose in the form of tablets or gels works best and fastest. Anything containing fat (snickers bar) can take up to an hour to digest, and simply does not work as well. Sorry, but true.
Here is my tip for treating low blood sugar.

Sit down. Chew 15 grams of glucose tablets. Set a timer for 15 mins. Sit still.

After 15 mins, if you can, test your blood sugar level, if it's still below 60, repeat the above.
If it's several hours before your next meal, or if you are exercising it's a good idea to have a small snack containing carbs and protein. Just don't overdue.
Glucose tablets are available at most grocery stores and pharmacies. Watermelon flavor is the best. :0) Keep them with you at all times. If you decided to take a different form of glucose with you, remember not to take anything that can freeze or melt.

"Jenny what's 7 plus 12?"

2010-04-05T13:49:00.002-04:00

Low blood sugar is something that plagues everyone with diabetes. And as your sugar is under better control, you experience lows more often.
My first memory of a low was third grade, we were taking SLA tests and we were delayed going to lunch. I was sweaty and felt really hungry and like it was hard to concentrate. My teacher, nervous, sent over my friend Melissa to ask me what was wrong. When I told her I didn't know I just didn't feel good the entire class was immediately dismissed to lunch.
In middle school my soccer coach promised a slurpee to anyone that could break open the ball by kicking it hard, I knew I wasn't allowed a slurpee so I decided then and there I wouldn't tell him I was a diabetic, so if I was ever able to kick the ball hard enough I could get a slurpee too like all the "normal" kids.
In high school my principal also had type 1 diabetes. So for every fire drill he made me sit with the school nurse who had extra food in case I had a low.
These are just a few of the stories I remember as a kid. Imagine sleep overs and birthday parties with no cake. No gatoraide at soccer games. All of this made me just want to be like the other kids, and so I stopped telling people I had diabetes thinking this would make me "normal" too.
When I went to college I ended up rooming with that same friend Melissa from third grade. She already knew, so there was no hiding my diabetes from her. And in the 4 years where my parents were not living with me, she kept me in line, and kept an eye on me. She even enforced a group healthy dinner each night. During college this was unheard of. :0) We are still picked on about this, but in many ways this little thing probably has kept many diabetic side effects missing from my life.
After college I moved to the city, got a new doctor who change up everything and was very strict. Under her care I got my diabetes under serious control, my numbers were dropping! But along with that came more lows. Still not talking about my diabetes, this lead to many issues with lunchtime meetings running over, low blood sugar at work, and even with friends.
I was 25 years old the first time it got so low I passed out. I was at a dinner theater and they had to call 911. Here's the thing, when my sugar is low I can still function. And once it gets below about 45 I can function but I can no longer realize it's low to tell you I need help. I remember waiting for our table to be called to go up to the buffet. I remember knowing my sugar was low but not saying anything to anyone because I didn't want to upset anyone or upset the outing. So how did they know? I came back from the buffet with a dinner plate full of mustard. I don't remember anything at this point, but they tell me I was still able to talk and walk around.

So I started reading up on it, and I started studying it more, and this is where math came in. From what I understand at dangerously low blood sugar levels I can still function at anything I do typically. Walk, talk, smile, hold a plate, etc. What I cannot do is something that takes more brain function, like math. So now when I am acting different my friends all know to ask me a math question. If I can't answer it correctly then they make me eat some glucose tablets. So simple, yet also very effective.
Not telling people your sugar is low, or that you have diabetes is dangerous to both yourself and others. I have learned the hard way to speak up, speak out, and keep myself safe. You have to ask for help. Asking to eat first at a dinner theater is not as embarassing as being hooked up to an IV passed out in the middle of a dinner theater......

diabetes

2010-03-31T13:01:00.002-04:00

Diabetes kills more Americas every year than breast cancer and AIDS combined.
It is the #1 cause of blindness in adults.
It doubles the risk of heart attack and stroke.
1 in 13 Americas have it, 1 in 4 don't know it yet.

Did you already know those facts? I have had Type 1 diabetes since I was 7 years old. I grew up in the era before there were home blood testing units, nutrasweet, or nutrition fact labels. I have watched, studied, and cheered so many wonderful developments over the past 30 years that have profoundly impacted my diabetes and my daily life. I've suffered highs (400+) and lows (-25). And today, I am solid proof that controlling your blood sugars will decrease the side effects of this very deadly disease.

From the conversations I've had in my lifetime, I feel that the majority of Americans do not have a clue about diabetes, type 1 or type 2. One of the biggest misconceptions surrounding this disease is that "you are not supposed to eat sugar". Ug! I cannot count the number of times I have been with people who have just polished off a huge portion of white pasta, some rolls with butter, and a glass of wine - who then say they cannot have any dessert since the are "watching their sugar intake". Ug! So today's lesson is this - the body converts ALL carbs to sugar. ALL. So it doesn't matter if it's a glass of wine (3.2), pasta (55), rolls (20), or apple pie (40) the body turns each carb into sugar (glucose).
Here's a little science: As food enters the body, carbs are converted to usable sugar or glucose. The glucose is then passed thru the blood stream, and mixes with insulin that has been released from the cells (or injected if diabetic). This mixing then starts a series of chemical reactions that then allow the glucose to leave the blood and enter the cell, supplying it with energy. Too much glucose and not enough insulin means high blood sugar (Hyperglycemia). And not enough glucose and too much insulin means low blood sugar (Hypoglycemia).
So the next time you are tempted to tell a diabetic what they should not be eating, let's be clear that you need to point out the pasta, the rolls, the 4 beers, and not just that piece of cake.

Diabetes kills more Americas every year than breast cancer and AIDS combined.

What I've learned from Jake

2010-03-24T15:59:00.004-04:00

Cancer has touched so many areas of my life, but maybe one of the hardest for me was Jake. Jake is my dog, he is 12 years old, and he was diagnosed with cancer while I was undergoing chemo for mine. He had an entire leg removed, and now almost two years later, his cancer has returned this time on his back hip in a racquetball size tumor. :0(
Jake has taught me so much about life. Whenever I have a bad day and think about how horrible things are, I see him looking at me with his big brown eyes, hopeful and happy despite his horrible luck in life, and I just can't help but smile. Here are Jake's best lessons to me.

1. Some days are very hard, stick with the basics and you will make it thru. Eat, sleep, walk. Sometimes in life we do so much more even when we don't feel like it. Some days it's OK to stick with the basics and take a break.
2. Wag your tail and try your best. Jake hops now instead of walks. Since he lived as a pack leader for 10 years before loosing his leg, most days he still tries to pee like a boy. It's very hard to balance on 2 legs, so most days he falls on his face, sometimes in the pee. It breaks my heart, but every time he jumps back up wags his tail and starts hopping back up the sidewalk like nothing happened.
3. Have Patience. When we moved to the city we gave up a fenced in back yard. This means Jake has to be walked several times a day, something I would rush thru tugging on his collar when he would stop too much. Until one day an older man stopped me on the street and told me how lucky I was to have such a remarkable dog. Then told me how well taken care of he looked, and commended me for that. Feeling guilty I let Jake sniff every single good smell for the rest of the walk. And now I make it a point to take him every day on a longer smelling walk where he gets to stop as much as he wants, and I stand there and wait. It's become my favorite part of the day and taught me how to be more patient.
4. You can over come the odds. I didn't believe my dear friend Mary when she told me he would be OK if we took off his leg. But he has proven her right. So far he has been able to learn how to do just about everything he did with 4 legs. A feat I would have said was impossible he is determined to make reality.

Jake is an inspiration to me each day, that no matter what life hands you, you have to keep trying.

Hair on the pillow...and out the window!

2010-03-22T16:42:00.004-04:00

As I mentioned, the nurses told me when my hair would fall out. Of course I had to travel for work the same week (just my luck). I was worried but determined not to let it change the way I lived my life. So I travelled to Atlanta to do some training, each morning checking my pillow for all my hair to be laying there instead of on my head. But nothing happened. When the dreaded date came I didn't wash my hair for fear it would all just magically fall out and down the drain. The date was October 25th. (Yes of course I still remember!) I made it home from Atlanta with hair, although I did start to notice some hair here and there. But in general it was nothing like you see on TV where huge chunks fall out.
The next day I went with my husband, Brad, down to Smith Mountain Lake. I had plans to go with my good friend M (Marianne) to a huge Halloween party. I had bought a costume of a rag doll. Luckily it came with a bright red yarn wig. That Saturday my hair really started coming out more. You still couldn't tell by looking at me, but I knew, and I was so worried. That night I slept over at M's house and luckily for me she is the kind of friend that did not at all mind that when I got up the next morning her sheets were covered with my hair. Just like on TV. (So bitter!) Luckily I had a ball cap, so I put it on, cleaned up the sheets as best I could, smiled and went outside to Brad waiting in the car to pick me up.
After that was maybe one of my happiest cancer days. It was a beautiful fall day in Southern Virginia. It was warm and sunny, and the leaves were just gorgeous. We took back roads home for the 4 hour drive back from the lake, and for most of them Brad had the radio up loud and all of the windows down. And I spent most of the trip on my knees with my head out the window. As he sped down Rt 29 at 55 miles per hour, my hair flew off my head, down the road, and out of my life! It was fantastic!!
By the time I got home I looked exactly like Doc on Back to the Future. So the next day I took Brad's razor and shaved the rest off myself.
I really thought loosing my hair would be the worst moment of cancer. I thought I would cry and stay in bed. But with Brad's support and sense of humor I found that each step of this thing is a choice. I didn't always pick the right choice, but life is only what we make it, and it is our choice to LIVE it.

Haircut Party!

2010-03-16T09:12:00.004-04:00

My second visit to the oncologist the head nurse gave me the exact date she was pretty sure all of my hair would fall out. Up until this point I was ok with loosing my hair, but when she did that it freaked me out a little. I had long hair and she suggested I cut it before that date "so I wouldn't make a mess". LOL. I hadn't cut my hair short in over 10 years, so I was equally nervous to get it all cut off. So for one of the first times in my life, I asked for help. I asked Shelley if she'd go with me to get my haircut. I was not prepared for what happened next. :0)
Shelley organized a huge "Haircut Party" for me with printed invitations! Adrea volunteered to come to Judy's house and cut my hair at the party, while all of my friends and family ate great food and watched. That night I was overwhelmed with all of the love and support I didn't realize I had in my life. They all drove out on a cold October night in the middle of the week to support me in getting all my hair cut off. They also brought me gifts - hats, lotions, pink ribbon shirts, breast cancer bracelets, warm jackets, books, and necklaces. And each and every person there offered more help, everything from food to rides to chemo to help taking care of Jake. It was incredible, and a night I will never ever forget.
Adrea also did a wonderful job giving me a cute short cut, and lots of tips on what to do as it started to fall out and when to expect it to grow back (it took a long time to grow back).
That night taught me an important lesson in life. Ask for help. And then let people help you. I am blessed with an incredible support system, one that I hope to never take for granted.

Wigs are Itchy!

2010-03-08T15:24:00.003-05:00

A few weeks after my surgery I decided I should get a wig. A few people had told me to do it before my hair fell out, and this is good advise! So let me suggest that as the #1 tip for getting a wig, go shopping before your hair is gone. (For one thing you order it and it takes a few weeks to come in.) My #2 tip is to take a friend with you that you are 100% comfortable with, that has a great sense of humor, so she is not sitting there crying that you are going to loose your hair, but that is still honest enough with you to tell you "that looks fake".
I went to a great wig shop in Winchester with my long life friend Melissa. And we captured it all on film! Each one I modelled she gave feedback then took pictures. Then once home I looked at them all and showed them to family and friends to get some feedback. I enjoyed hearing what others had to say about them, and people loved seeing them all. As you can see, a haircut can really shape (or not shape!) your face.
I ended up buying two wigs from this shop about 2 weeks later. It was a month before I needed them, but I felt better knowing they were there. My insurance paid for one wig, and I paid for the other one. They cost about $100 each. I can recommend you do not get the cheaper ones. I never had any issues with movement or slippage, and I didn't find them very hot, but boy oh boy are they itchy!!
Enjoy the photo's courtesy of Melissa!

Healthier Comfort Foods

2010-03-04T14:27:00.003-05:00

I think in general, most people crave comfort foods. Especially when they are not feeling so great, a big bowl of mac & cheese, or some mashed potato's with butter on them sound better then anything healthy. But every body is made up of cells and these cells needs nutrients to survive. Chemo kills cancer cells as well as healthy cells. So now more then ever it's important to give your body what it needs to grow new healthy cells. The best way to do this is with whole wheat carbs and protein. So much of our body - from the cell level to your organs and your skin are directly impacted by what you eat. Even if it's just 90% of the time, if you can eat healthy foods your body will be better able to heal, and repair itself. Some easy changes you can make and still feel like you are getting somewhat of a comfort food - change to whole wheat bread, with fiber. You could also change out white pastas or white rice for whole wheat rossito or couscous. Some of the flavored rossito's and couscous's are very tasty and so much better for you. One of my go to meals during chemo was Parmesan rossito, grilled asparagus, and a grilled chicken breast. It has protein, fiber, vitamin's, and whole wheat carbs. If the mac and cheese really does make you feel better, then eat it. But if you still feel like crap after you eat it, then give some healthy dishes a chance and see the difference food can make!

Fatique

2010-03-01T16:10:00.002-05:00

The line I heard the most during chemo was "don't worry, it will get better". Oh boy did I get tired of hearing this! After so much time on chemo, and radiation I had gotten kinda used to the fatigue. The fatigue you have when you are going through this is like no other tiredness that I have felt, you sleep and you wake up just as tired. You eat and feel no more energy. You drink diet coke, and your alertness doesn't change.
But let me tell ya, now I feel like I have more energy then anyone else in the world! I feel so much better! Now that I know what really being worn out and tired feels like, I know that I feel fantastic! I can run 8 miles, then work a full day, walk to the grocery, and do some yoga, and still not feel close to as tired as I was every single day on chemo.
So, for all of you who told me it would get better, I'm here to report back that you were right. Now I have energy, and I know what it's like not to have it, which makes me both thankful for it as well as unwilling to take it for granted.

Nutrition and Chemo - Fiber

2010-02-24T14:01:00.003-05:00

My beloved Dad endured 3 years of chemotherapy. He passed away about 2 weeks before I started mine. I remember clearly one conversation I had with him several months before I was diagnosed. I had asked him how he felt, and he told me the constipation was so bad it was unbearable. Without a second thought I told him "Dad, you just need to eat some more fiber! Have some high fiber bread and it will fix it."
This line came back to haunt me and I will forever regret what I said that day. Chalk it up to if you haven't been thru it you don't understand, but now I understand. Constipation was one of my worst side effects of chemo. I tried everything. More fiber, more water, no cheese, exercise, even teas and coffee's. Yet most nights I would get out of bed in horrible pain, and head to the bathroom to sit for an hour. By the third round of chemo I would be bleeding it was so bad. And the pain was sometimes unbearable. I cried, I remembered what I had said to Dad, and I cried to him to help me. What made it worse is that this is the thing you don't talk about - right? So when people ask how you feel you don't complain about blood in your stool because you are so constipated. So I grinned and bared it.
I finally got to the end of my rope and said something to the nurse. She prescribed Senokot-S, and that proved to be the only thing that would help me. And eventually it became less painful.
So, two lessons learned, first if you haven't been thru it you might not understand, and second, speak up and ask for help from the doctors and nurses. Even if it's embarrassing.
This picture is of Dad and his favorite chemo nurse.

Nutrition and Chemo - How not to gain weight - Part 5

2010-02-22T15:59:00.002-05:00

One of the best pieces of advise my Dad gave me about cancer was to pick Tuesdays as your chemo days, this way he told me, you'll feel better by the weekend. Excellent advise!

When I was getting chemo I typically felt pretty good the night of chemo and the next day. Probably because of all of the drugs that they give you to help with side effects. It was when all of those drugs wore off that I would start to feel tired, nauseous, tired, achy, tired... :0) So Fridays were the hardest days for me to not lay on the sofa all day and eat mac and cheese. One really great food that I found that helped was Vitamuffins. Check them out, they taste like a warm chocolate cookie, only they are really good for you! They fill you up, and really taste like a true comfort food. If you like to cook or have someone who wants to cook for you I will also recommend these muffins (I've had this recipe forever but loved it during chemo):

Marvelous Muffins

1 c flour
1 c whole wheat flour
1 3/4 c oat bran
3/4 c packed brown sugar
1/3 c nonfat dry milk
1/4 c flaxseed
4 tsp cinnamon
2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 c shredded carrot
2 c chopped granny smith apple
1 c raisins
1 c fat free milk
1/4 c canola oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 large egg whites
1 thin skinned orange unpeeled and quartered

1. Preheat oven to 375
2. Combine all dry ingredients and stir with whisk. Stir in carrot, apple, and raisins.
3. Combine milk, oil, vanilla, egg whites, and orange in blender, process until smooth. Stir into other ingredients just until moist.
4. Spoon into 28 muffin cups pre coated with cooking spray. Bake for 20 mins. Remove from pan immediately and place on wire rack to cool.

Calories 114
Fat 2.8
Protein 3.5
Fiber 3
Iron 1.1 mg
Sodium 188 mg
Calcium 61mg

ENJOY!!

Nutrition and Chemo - Part Four

2010-02-18T16:02:00.002-05:00

By my second round of Adriamycin I had lost most of my ability to taste. Instead I seemed to have a permanent mouth of metal. Food had to have a strong flavor for me to be able to taste it at all, and so I turned to pickles. Pickles were one of my favorite things during this time, they were strong enough I could taste them, they were cold and refreshing, and they were not spicy enough to upset my stomach.

I also found it hard to drink plain water. I am a fan of sweet, not sour, but my girlfriends mother recommend Crystal Lite Lemonade during this phase of chemo. I am not a lemonade fan, but this stuff was amazing. I could taste it, and I drank tons of it, I could not get enough of it. If you are not a fan of making it yourself, I can also tell you Chick-fil-a also sells it on the fountain. Delicious! Give it a try, you might be surprised.

One last tip that was passed to me, that gratefully I never needed, was for mouth sores. If you chew on ice during your chemo treatment you won't get mouth sores. My Dad had horrible mouth sores until he tried this and it worked! The doctors where he received chemo were so impressed they had an ice maker installed in the chemo room!

How to not gain weight during chemo - Part 3

2010-02-17T13:48:00.003-05:00

One of the best things you can do for yourself before, during, and after chemo is drink fluids. Lots and lots of fluids. The more you can drink the better. I know when I was going through chemo the smell of the chemicals really got to me. It's overwhelming at times. Your sweat smells like it, and of course your urine smells like it. But I found the more water I drank the better I felt and the weaker the smell.
Chemo is going directly into your blood, and your blood is 60% water. Water flushes toxins out of vital organs, carries nutrients to your cells and provides a moist environment for ear, nose and throat tissues.
Lack of water can lead to dehydration, a condition that occurs when you don't have enough water in your body to carry out normal functions. Even mild dehydration can drain your energy and make you tired. As per the Mayo Clinic you should drink: Drink eight 8-ounce glasses of fluid a day.

Nutrition and Chemo - How not to gain weight - Part Two

2010-02-16T16:00:00.004-05:00

Before my first chemo session I typically was eating a lot of salads. So on day one I came home from chemo feeling fine and made myself a big salad to eat, and I ate every bite of it. Huge mistake. I got so sick that night that I couldn't even look at a salad for several weeks.
Chemo was a different kind of sickness for me. I did not constantly feel like I was going to throw up. Instead I constantly felt like I had just eaten a huge meal and I was stuffed full. But then my stomach would growl. So I would feel full and yet hungry all at the same time. And it's true that when you feel like this you want to curl up with some mac and cheese. But other things can help and are much healthier for you. My top five picks are:

Oatmeal
Baked potato
Bananas
Grilled Chicken
Apples

It's important to keep nutrients going into the body. The chemo is killing everything, and so food is one of the best ways to keep your body humming. If you eat bad foods with no nutrients, you are just going to feel even worse. A whole sleeve of saltines has very little nutrients, but a banana sliced into some oatmeal has a lot of nutrients! And oatmeal has a lot less calories.

Nutrition and Chemo - How not to gain weight - Part One

2010-02-15T16:46:00.004-05:00

One of the things that became abundantly clear to me during chemo was the effect that food and drink can have on your body. When I started chemo in October of 2007 I had been following the Weight Watchers Online program, and had lost about 15 pounds. I felt great, and was proud of my weight loss. The more I read on the web about chemo and the side effects the more depressed I became as so many message boards discussed the inevitable weight gain. I was determined not to let this happen to me. I was convinced that I could over come the odds and not gain all of my weight back. And as I faced loosing all of my hair, which, let's face it is one of the most self depreciating things that can happen to you, I was determined I would not add to this the fact that I had gained weight. I wanted to continue to feel like a woman. I wanted to continue to feel that I had life in me, that I had hope, and that I would overcome this. This was the first step for me. Once I had made up my mind that I was not going to gain weight, and that I was going to continue to follow the Weight Watchers Program I felt better. My diet and exercise regimens became, over the next 6 months, the only thing in my life that I had any control over.

This picture was taken before I joined Weight Watchers, before I had cancer, many many pounds ago!

PC Issues

2010-02-11T17:18:00.002-05:00

My PC died! But I am back on track now with a new one. Sorry for the delay in writing! My mammogram was CLEAR yeah!! And I also went in for my second appointment with the oncologist. Again a full physical, as well as blood work, and a computer survey. Then I was sent home with orders for an Echo cardiogram, EKG, and two bottles of pills. I have no side effects to this point. Apparently one I was not watching for but should be is skin rash. So now I am also watching for that.

When I went for my mammogram the lady working the desk in the office told me that she was also a HER2 positive breast cancer survivor of 5 years. She, like me, had also taken herceptyn, and was very interested to hear there was a trial for another drug to follow it. I told her everything I knew, and wrote down all of the information I had on it. She was going to call her oncologist and see if she could also take part in the study. What a great feeling, first of all to meet someone that has been in my shoes, and is now healthy and strong, and then to be able to tell her about the new drug study that I am in and give her information that might help her to get involved. :0)

Hip Hip Hurray on the clean mammogram!

Trial Name

2010-02-01T12:16:00.001-05:00

I realized I've never given you the official title of the trial:

A randomized Double-Blind Placebo Controlled Trial of Neratinib After Trastuzumab in Women with Early Stage HER-2 Over expressed Amplified Breast Cancer

The nausea went away, so I think maybe it was a bug. So far I have no side effects from the trial drug. I have a mammogram later this week. So far so good!

Life Clock

2010-01-26T15:21:00.002-05:00

I hear about women having a biological clock that they hear ticking when they think they want to have a baby. I have never experienced this, but I definitely have a "Life Clock" ticking in my head. Every morning I wake up and the first thought in my head is "wonder if the cancer is back". I thought this would eventually go away, but so far it hasn't. Every day I hear the ticking and it pushes me to do more, see more, experience more, because what if it does come back? What if it comes back soon? What if this time I don't survive it? Not a day has gone past since the day I was diagnosed when I have not thought of this. I can no longer just sit. Relaxing scares me. Doing nothing for a long period of time actually makes me very stressed and I am overcome with guilt of things I could have been doing or seeing. I have this constant need to do....to try something new, to call the people I haven't called, visit with everyone I haven't seen, and occasionally do something that scares me, because honestly, all of it makes me feel very alive.
Cancer has taught me not to take things for granted, the most important of those things being time. Yet it has also left me terrified of this clock that constantly ticks in my head......

nerves?

2010-01-21T16:50:00.002-05:00

I think I have nausea from the pills. It's hard to tell, I've had nausea for over a week, but I've also been under more stress at work then normal. So I assumed it was the stress and what I was eating. So I tried a more "bland" diet and it's not better. So now I'm thinking that I might actually have some nausea from the pills! Very exciting! (Because this would mean I am on the real meds). Chemo nausea is not like normal nausea, chemo nausea is more like a feeling of being really really full, all the time, even when you know you aren't because your stomach is growling. Will try the bland diet for a few more days and see if anything changes, if not I think I might have to log this as my first side effect!!

What's the right thing to say?

2010-01-17T08:09:00.002-05:00

So I went to LA for work this week. I've worked at the same place for 11 years and with most of the same people for those years. I was open about my cancer, and although I was not in LA during my treatments most of my co-workers knew what was going on with me. This week was the first time I have seen anyone in LA since my diagnosis. Pre-cancer I had long blond hair. My hair fell out. It's growing back now, but it's still short. Anyway, when I would see people in the hall nearly everyone said "Jenny! You cut your hair!" which threw me off a bit. I didn't cut my hair. It fell out. It. Fell. Out. Every single piece of it. Over my entire body. So the question is what is the proper response? Do you remind them? One person went into great detail asking me why I would have wanted to cut my hair so short, and I did say "well, you know I have cancer, the chemo made it fall out.......so this is it growing back......not really a decision to cut my hair?" But then I felt bad for saying it so bluntly. What's the proper response?

The questions I asked...and the answers....

2010-01-10T18:29:00.000-05:00

Ok today is day 4 and so far there are no side effects. I feel fine. I realized I never explained my questions from Thursday and Kristen’s answers, so here goes.
1. If this drug ends up being approved and released and I was on the placebo, can I then take the real drug? Answer: Yes I can. I can also do other drug studies in the future.
2. If I don’t get the stomach upset does that mean I am on the placebo? Answer: No, not at all. Kristen receives status on patients from the drug company, and she said those people that do have the most stomach upset are also taking chemo drugs at this time. Apparently there is not a large group of people yet not on chemo like me that are testing the drug. So I should not be disappointed I am not shoveling down the Imodium today. :0)
3. Should I expect to get a full physical exam every time I come into the office, to include a vaginal exam? Answer: Yes. And blood work each time.
4. Do I really need to call at 2am if I have diarrhea before I take an Imodium? (This is in the instruction booklet.) Answer: Yes. The doctor on call needs to know if this side effect appears, and monitor it closely. Call anytime day or night if needed.
5. Besides the list of drugs I was given in the packet that I could not take can I take whatever else I need to without contacting them first? Meaning, can I pop an Advil if my back hurts? Can I take some Airbourne if I’m going to fly? Answer: Yes. As long as it’s logged in the log book, and it’s not on the list I can take it.
I’ve mentioned above the log book and the packet. Both go hand in hand, the packet contains the agreement I signed, as well as instructions, what medicines I cannot take, several logs, and numbers to call if needed. Each day I am to log my dose, any other medicines I took, and any side effects I am having. Also each time I go into the office I use a pilot (cell phone) to fill out a 25-30 question survey asking a ton of questions about how I am feeling both physically and emotionally. I was given my pills by Kristen, and I am to return the bottle to her and get another one each visit. Everything I do, whether on the computer, pill bottle, or logs is all tracked by number only. To the drug company I am a number not a name. The study seems very well run, and extremely organized. My information is all kept private, and even the survey I take is password protected (with a password selected by me).
Guess that’s all of the nuts and bolts. Wanted to make sure I included that info for anyone thinking about doing the trial…..

You don't get to pick....

2010-01-08T09:29:00.003-05:00

So Monday when I went for my EKG the tech asked me why I was there, when I told her she looked shocked and said "You are way too young to have cancer!". Although so many people have said this to me, I still don't know the correct response to it.... "thank you"..."you're right!"..? So I just smiled at her, and she then told me about a woman she had seen that morning that was 40 and had a stroke. Then she looked at me and said "you just don't know what life is going to throw at you do you? It's so scary!". LOL. This might have to be my new motto. I ate good my whole life, I drank very little, I never smoked, I exercise every single day, and yet I still got cancer. A cancer that no one in my entire family has ever had. I followed all the rules, I did all the tips for not getting it. But, you don't get to pick. You don't have control. This is maybe one of the hardest things I've had to learn from cancer. Most days you just have to do what you can with what you are given, and never take any of it for granted, cause tomorrow it could also be gone. So here is my new motto, don't plan for tomorrow, live today.

Drug Trail - Day ONE!

2010-01-07T15:08:00.002-05:00

So today is day one for the trial of Neratinib. There was another full physical, more blood taken, and this time a questionnaire. Lots and lots of questions about everything from how I was feeling to if I felt I had good friends. (I rated my friends the most exceptional and most supportive!) I asked the nurse and doctor a ton of questions I had come up with at 2am when I was nervous about today and could not sleep. But the bottom line is, I have taken dose one. And so far I feel fine. I am nervous that I will have nausea for a solid year, and at the same time nervous that I won't because I am on the placebo and not getting any life saving drug in me at all. But that is the chance I have to take, that is the only option I have at this time. So now I must go update my logs, and schedule my next mammo and EKG.
BTW the dose is 6 pills, each day, for one solid year. The pills are small, they look kinda like advil. They have to be taken with food, but otherwise not many restrictions.

One more test....

2010-01-04T14:13:00.002-05:00

Today was the EKG, another easy test! Took about 10 minutes, and was pain free! They pretty much just hook you up to a bunch of heart monitors and let the tape run for about one minute and then you are done. The tech told me my heart looked good, so hopefully with this one done I am now cleared to start the trial drug on Thursday!

Pre-testing

2009-12-31T15:29:00.002-05:00

Today I had an echo cardiogram and a chest x-ray and I must say these were the easiest and most pain free tests I've ever had! The chest x-ray took 5 mins and you didn't even have to lay down. Very easy. The echo was just a sonogram of the heart from 4 different directions. It took about 40 mins, but otherwise was very easy and pain free. EKG next week and then I am ready to start! Yeah!

First Appointment

2009-12-30T17:43:00.002-05:00

OK so the drug I am going to do the trial for is called Nertinib. Last week I went to my first appointment. I signed all of the paperwork, and then had a full exam by my oncologist. (Ladies, to include a pelvic exam, prepare yourself). Then I had a bunch of blood work. I also got my booklet of information, drug’s I can no longer take as well as food and beverages I cannot have – for example grapefruit juice, which I never drink, but now of course I crave. :0) The booklet contains two different diarrhea logs. Joy! Next up is a chest x-ray, EKG, and echocardio gram. Once all of these are approved ok then I can start on the drug. BTW, the drug company, not my insurance, is paying all of this. And all of it is done with privacy laws intact; to the drug people I am just a number. I’ve also signed paperwork to donate my tumor to science. To be honest I didn’t know they kept it. But they sure enough did, so now it’s been donated to scientist to test drugs on. I’m very excited to be helping in every way I can!

Intro...

2009-12-30T17:42:00.002-05:00

I’m Jenny…..where do I start? I am 36 years old, I’m married, no kids, living in Alexandria, Virginia. I’ve had Type 1 diabetes since I was 7 years old. When I was 34 years old I was diagnosed with HER 2 positive breast cancer. I found my own lump. My Mom is a two-time breast cancer survivor. She is HER 2 negative. My Dad died two months after my diagnosis of melanoma cancer, which had spread, to his liver. My dog, a 13-year-old cocker spaniel was diagnosed with cancer 3 months after Dad died; he then had surgery to remove his leg. He’s a three-legged survivor. My husband remains, hopefully forever, cancer free.
After finding my lump and having a lumpectomy to remove the tumor, I had a port sewn into my left chest. I then started a solid year of chemo, as well as 3 months of radiation. On December 23rd 2008 I took my last bag of chemo, and then went out to the Willard with my husband to celebrate. One month later I had surgery to remove the port.

Now, one year later, I am healthier then I ever have been in my life. Both physically and mentally. I have an urgency to live each day, and try everything I’ve never tried. I no longer take time for granted, and feel extreme gratitude to be living another day. This month my oncologist approached me about participating in a drug trial, for those with HER2 positive cancer, those who have taken one solid year of Herceptyn. I am one of ten selected, and I’m excited to possibly help future cancer patients have a new drug, and to hopefully get one us all one step closer to a cure.

This log is for those of you searching the internet looking for help, advise, and wondering if maybe you should take the drug, or maybe you shouldn’t, or you maybe you were just diagnosed with cancer, or maybe your hair just started falling out, whatever your step, I’m hoping this log helps you…..feel free to write and ask me about any of the stuff I’ve already been thru, weather it be as a cancer patient, a daughter of a cancer patient, or the dog owner of a cancer dog. :0)